I just got the Time Paradox.
So I'm going to write a fanfiction.

What did you think I was going to do? There was kissing! I had to make a stand. ;)


Holly was flying over the Pacific, enjoying the sights of ice floes and Arctic animals frolicking around without a care in the world. Kraken Watch again, although this assignment was more or less to give her a break after her recent adventure. Her recent adventure consisted of saving a lemur from extinction and kissing Artemis Fowl. Retirement suddenly seemed like a pretty good option.


"...You know what, Holly? I saw two other fellows wearing foil hats around Haven. I think I've started a trend! Foaly the fashion consultant. How does that sound?"



Captain Short grinned. Then again, Foaly's ramblings always cheered her up. Foaly was the LEP's technical genius, and the centuar embraced this fact with a characteristic lack of modesty. But he was a good friend, always able to cheer up a certain female officer called Holly Short whenever she was feeling down. And his gear did come in handy more often than not. Her new gear consisted of Helmets with a vast array of abilities. Sensors, e-mail, and Foaly had even added a custom mp3 player which he invented himself from scratch, just for her.

"An mp3 player?" Asked Holly, opening up the program. The screen flickered to blue in front of her. The list of mp3 songs scrolled out in front of her. But there was nothing onscreen; she hadn't added any songs yet. "What the heck for?"

Then some words appeared. Instructions, which were suddenly accompanied by a sound file to Foaly's voice. Holly snorted. "Foaly, I know how to use a Mp3 player. "
"Ah yes, but this mp3 player is amazing. Virtually no chance of corrupted files entering the system without getting rid of the bug, and it solves any sound and media viruses introduced. "

Holly laughed. "I'll find time to listen to music when I'm not saving the world from a crazy deranged genius. Or a French genius with insanely absurd hair. Or a genius with criminal tendencies and an ego problem. Opal, Minerva and Artemis. In that order."

Below ground, the centaur gave a hearty laugh. "Don't you think I know?" Holly returned the chuckle and a single beep from the sensor in her helmet made her swoop down towards the sea. "There's Old Faithful. "

"Copy. Swoop in, just do a check and out. The systems have had a bout of malfunction and they're just out of my repair shop. Not that I can't fix anything that's wrong with it, but just in case. You don't want to get in another fix like last time."

Holly shuddered as she swooped in and thought about 'last time'. Shelly was another kraken she was supposed to watch. He had successfully exploded an island in methane. Quite a sight.

"Hell-lo? Stop hovering above the water! I doubt you're hot on magic. Don't unshield here, of all places. The new suits are in the workshop and these don't shield on their own."

"Jeezuz, Foaly, calm down. Marriage has unleashed the nagging gene in ya, eh?" She said, swooping into the water. The sight under the sea was a sight to behold, especially the kraken swimming about ten metres in front of her, a magnificent animal. Old Faithful was peacefully swimming...Or was she? Kraken often looked peaceful. But it was hard to tell with a animal with as many facial expressions as a mushroom.

"Five thousand years in solitary laziness and then she takes a swim about. Unusual, but no cause for alarm. Unless..."

"Unless?" Said Holly. "Dazzle me with science, Foaly, but don't go 'unless'."

"Check if there's anything that's making the kraken agitated. Something he has to swim around to remove or unclog."

Holly complied without a word. Kraken don't often 'take a breather'. They had no intention whatsoever for excercise. Especially the ones living in the Arctic - you don't see polar bears going for a run for the heck of it.

She did a quick once over, swimming a full circle around Old Faithful. Nothing noticeable. "Foaly, I think she's fine. There's nothing. "

She swam above the kraken to take a look from the top. And then she saw it, and what she saw drained the blood from her face.

"Oh, gods."

A large wound was on the mammal's back, near the fin. But that wasn't the worst - what was truly horrifying was the satellite tracker on the creature's back. Humans had found a mythical creature and tagged it. They had failed to catch it, true, but humans were determined to a fault.

Determined to a fault? Reminds me of Artemis Fowl, she thought. Funny what thoughts your brain conjures when in a possible crisis.

"'Oh gods?'" Foaly said. "Amuse me with sarcastic humor, Holly, but don't go 'oh gods'."

"A wound." Holly said urgently, not liking how her voice sounded: just a wee bit scared.

"A wound?"

"Yes, a big wound, and a tracking device. " Holly heard her counterpart draw a sharp breath.

"The Mud Men."

Blood was seeping from the back of the old kraken, slowly but steadily. Kraken blood is a strange fluid, lighter than water and not very dense. So it floats to the surface, which is not at all a good thing. Blood attracts all sorts of predators, especially the all dangerous human beings, whom the fairy People called the Mud Men.

Below ground, the centaur bit his lip, then immediately regretted it.

"Leave it, Holly. This is out of your league. Get the professionals to do it. Just get out of here; who knows what's out in that sea that likes kraken and elfin flesh."

"Foaly! I am a professional. One of the best."

"Not in this field you're not."

"At the very least let me defuse the tracker."

Silence - Foaly was considering it.

"If you don't get it done in five minutes, you immediately get out of here, understand?"

Holly nodded. "Crystal clear."

"And please, please for crying out loud - do not break any rules. Do not do anything you think might break the rules. Just be a good little girl and follow orders."

Captain Short grinned, swooping towards the kraken.

"Don't I always?"