I'm ready for anything! -cheesy grin-

Even if school is shitty I shall make it awesome with my uber awesomeness.

& That's the Gospel of Truth.


-----------


AHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THE KILL.

God that song brings back memories of fandoms.

-----------


Whipped cream and fuzzy handcuffs ;D

I'm ba kwa coated me :D

This is what happens when I listen to Liam Lynch's The Happy Song, and get a strange craving for Ba Kwa. At the same time.

Anywho, I'm feeling surprisingly happy today, strangely enough because this day has been shockingly similar to the few that have passed before it.

So why?

Hm, let me list the reasons:

1. My animation is going smoothly,

2. We had fish & chips for lunch today,

3. Nothing's really bothering me @tm,

4. I just saw this nosebleed inducing wonder,

5. We watched Top Gear about an hour ago.

That episode damn funny man! xDD I swear, one of these days TopGear will save my life, by taking it in large doses when I'm feeling suicidal.

Oh! And:

6. We're going to watch the Korean Drama tonight :D

We just started a new serial, it's called Money War.

DAMN the main actor ain't no Dezzi but GOD IS HE AWESOME.

I <3 him. Him being both Jinny and Dezzi.

and I love you nonetheless. ღ


---♪







FINE, I still want to go see Brokeback Mountain. Cannot blame me right?

You know why I hate sappy, superficial love stories?

Because they're so unbelievable.

You know why I love Mind Games so much?

Because it's so damn possible.

Give me a fairytale that's full of angst and turns out well, like Enchanted. Then give that story a twist of yaoi, and I tell you: I couldn't be happier.

OK random. I should be saying something about CNY but bleh, I couldn't be bothered.

01. Single, taken, naked or flirt?
Single. I'm only twelve for Pete's sake. (and it's a buzz all the same, being able to call myself 12 now xD)

02. Are you happy with that?
No.

However, I'm not upset over it. Give me a few more years. I need to be ready xD

03. Would you still kiss your ex?
I'd only go so far as to fantasize about it probably. Never (or so I hope) really do it, that would be disastrous D:

04. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Show me what it's like, show me with hearbreaking clarity what it feels like, and I'll tell you your answer.

You can't blame me for being ignorant/innocent.

05. Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
-shrug-.

06. Have you ever talked about marriage?
Yeah but in the 'nowai will I EVAR get married' sense.

07. Do you want children?
Yes and no.

Why are you asking a twelve year old this?

08. How many?
If any then two.

09. If someone likes you now, would you want them to tell you?
YES.

-glares around, and when there's no response whatsoever, sighs-

It was worth a shot...

10. Do you want someone you can't have?
Yarh. Nick. But I suppose now I don't want him anymore, not so much at least.

11. Have you ever been in love?
Love won't let me in! D: I keep banging on the door but Love just refuses (or in truth I just can't be bothered to find Love at all, but I'm in denial plz). And I mean serious love, not the 'I love chocolate!' kind of love.

12. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Uh...I guess so?

13. What would you say about your recent ex?

-shrugs and hums a melody-

14. Does your ex still have feelings for you?

Jeez, enough with the ex questions...

15. Do you believe in long distance relationships?
I believe in any true relationship, end of story.

16. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I have to agree with Esther on this...I believe the fellow who coined that phrase confused love with attraction.

TRUTHS ABOUT ME

01. Are you perfect?
I am perfectly imperfect. (: And proud of it.

02. Are you tall?
Yes.

03. Are you short?
No.

04. Are you in your pyjamas?
Yarh. Didn't change for the whole day ^^

LAST

01. The last friend you saw?
Saw?

...I don't think India's counted, nor is webcam, so it was...Oh my...Last September. Before I left school.

02. Last talked on phone to?
Errr... Forgot.

03. Last person to text you?
xD That was a year ago. You expect me to remember?

FAVOURITES

01. Number?
No favorite number.

02. Colour?
Green. Only certain shades, though.

03. Food?
Anything yummy.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

01. What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?
Go use the toilet. Then get breakfast (a peach), then go use the computer.

Ah bliss.

02. Do you have anything that bothers you?
The ache in my butt? Although it's been there for so long it's hardly bothersome anymore. Seriously I have this ass pain, like a dull throb, been there for months. Used to be annoying but now hardly noticeable, to me at least.

03. Whats the last movie you watched in the theatres?
BOLT BABY.

04. Where is the last place you went?
...Uh...The kitchen.

05. Do you smile a lot?
Yes, in stupid excess.

06. Do you wish upon stars?
Upon shooting stars, or only the ones that twinkle. The ones that don't move or flicker at all are dead to me, even if they shine.

And I hope you caught that double meaning.

07. Are you a friendly person?
That's for me to know...And for you to find out ^^

08. Where did you have your sleep last night?
Mah mom's bed. (William was over)

09. When was the last time you cried?
Can't remember.

10. What were your last thoughts before going to bed?
Dunnnnnno.

11. Rate life as of it now, one being bad, ten being great?
Seven and a half.

12. What do you hear right now?
William thumping the bed. -_-"

13. Does anything hurt you right now?
My butt, remember?

14. What your favourite month?
..UM.

December :D Because then I look forward to a new year. And my birthday. AND THE HOLIDAYS YEAH BBY.

EMOTIONS

01. Are you missing someone right now?
Missing a few

02. Are you tired?
Slight morning anmnesia.

03. Are your parents still married?
Yarh.

BASICS

01. Real name?
OSAMA BIN LADEN.

Christie Ng Kwee Sing.

02. Eye colour?
Black

03. Male or Female?
Famale, unfortunately D:

04. Crushing?
Crushcrushcrush.

05. Hair colour?
BLACK.

06. Sweats or jeans?
Jeans

07. Phone or Camera?
Camera. I find phones redundant.

08. Health freak?
Fuck no! I'm a carnivore :D

09. Righty or Lefty?
Right-o.

10. Smoke or drink?
Neither. Hopefully never. Alcohol = ECK.

FIRST

01. First best friend?
Victoria.

o.O

02. First enemy?
JOEL GRR.

NONONOWAIT. It's not Joel, it's my damn P1 Chinese teacher. FUCKING BITCH. I hope you burn in HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL.

... :3

03. First vacation?
Does it count if I was still in my mother's stomach? o.o

04. First kiss?
Does kissing the mirror count?

CURRENTLY

01. Eating?
My foot. C:

02. Drinking?
Saliva D:

03. Listening to?
my typing fingers AND an annoying little boy next to me.

04. Plans tomorrow?
Uh...None.

WHICH IS BETTER FOR THE OPPOSITE GENDER?
(what? Why must it be opposite gender? Hmpf.)

01. Lips or Eyes?
Eyes, because in everyone I've met so far, their eyes aren't anything special.

I want to see something special please.

02. Shorter or Taller?
Taller duh

03. Romantic or Spontaneous?
Romantic.

Boys are too spontaneous anyway -_-"

04. Sensitive or Loud?
In the middle :D

05. Hook-up or being in a relationship?
De fuck?

HAVE YOU EVER?

01. Drank hard drinks?
I drank some sample wine once. And diluted vodka.

02. Lost glasses or contacts?
I got none of those -gleeee-

... Yet.

03. Ran away from home?
Nope.

04. Broken someone's heart?
O GOD I HOPE NOT. xDD

05. Been arrested?
Yarh.

... No I'm just trying to build up a reputation.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

01. Do you like someone?
...Not in a serious manner.

02. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life now?
I'm fine with it.

I expect more though.

--•♥

BIRRRTHHHDHHHAYYY!

On the twenty-first of January 2008, I turned twelve. So, to celebrate a DOZEN friggin awesome years on this hellhole/heaven of a planet, we went to watch Bolt.

Fifty fucking dollars, the tickets were...

...But it was so worth it.

John Travolta was amazing as Bolt. I lol'd when Mittens was all asking about his favorite superpower and he goes, 'That's classified -_-"' , and Mittens attempts to bash him with a baseball bat and weaken him with teh STYROFOAM OF DOOM.

Oh, and did I tell you Mittens is an ah long?

Seriously lah! Don't act like it's new news. Did you see how she acted towards those pigeons? xDD I seriously love Mittens. Love love love her.

And I also love the MittensxBolt pairing. I mean, I can almost see it in canon, the canine and feline cuddling in a very Scamp x Angel manner, and the camera switching to the full moon, exactly the way it went in LaTT2.

•--•

OK, I'm dreading school.

More like dreading the start of school. I know the start is not going to be at all dreadful, but I dread it nonetheless.

Why? NZ schools are so much better. Ah, but the gaping differences make it somewhat uncomfortable. The seemingly large lack of cheenas, the timetable, the place in general, the attitude, and, of course, let's remind ourselves that this is Christie here. She is a natural repellent, a human magnet with only and always the similar pole.

I epicly fail at successful human interaction, more so than learning Chinese.

Oh well.

I'll just be true to myself.

And whatever goes wrong with that formula, couldn't have possibly gone right anyway.



♥•--


I -just- finished Momento Mori and... And I really do love it.

The ending was just so...I knew it wouldn't end with a hug and a kiss and an 'I love you' from the both of them, but still...It's like a beautiful, open ended question.

And you know how much I indulge myself creating an answer to these questions, even if they are questions that exist practically not to be answered. You know how I feel compelled to make up a happy ending for these tales, it's involuntary.

Plus I liked the fact that Lawliet was the author. I was completely blindsided by that, and I loved it.

And as for the healing process that inevitably will happen (and I say so so it will be), and the outcome...

I can imagine it already, years later, a healed, changed Raito...But not changed too much. Of course.

And as they contemplate this neverending dilemma all over again on the bed, they both muse aloud: was it the right thing to do? What is right, anyway? What is wrong? Even if our motives were correct, so to speak, were our actions enough to validate it?

They knew, as John had known, that it would not do to ponder that question for too long, because there was no answer.

For now, they both thought, I'll just sleep.

It really sucks.

to loose a person that way. Through insanity. Through the loss of sane-ness.

22 fake Notes. Would he still have cried at his funeral?

Ah well, the panda-eyed not-so-youth-anymore contents himself with the fact that they'll be together in Hell. Suffering through burning cold blood, but together.


Hah.
L, you stupid fucktard, this time you're wrong.


Nobody goes to hell you idiot.


--•♥

Tomorrow's my birthday! Let us rejoicify. Oh wait, let's hold the rejoicing back until tomorrow, because it's late, I'm tired and I need to fantasize myself to sleep. G'night.








•--•

Now are you happy?

I understand, briefly, now, why it's so hard to nudge those with suicide notions.

Because I'm feeling them.



OK. I shall now attempt to explain all this overwhelmedness I feel inside my chest. I think the general bodily area hosts a rather important organ, yes? The heart?

Yes. I feel overwhelmed in my heart, as stupid as that sounds.

And yet...Yet the sadness isn't maddening, it doesn't push me over the edge.

Ten life sentences.

God.

It's just...


-----

I was reading Phlegethon River, and the angst warnings at the top didn't stop me. I'm glad it did. I feel so much more ... I mean...

Reading it has done something to me.

It's bad.

Yet I cannot do without it.

Don't ask.


----

I shall not bother to explain the sorrow she packed into this. It is so crushingly sad and so far from the ideal.

From both L's and Raito's ideals.

What they both wanted.

They didn't get.

In fact, that's a lie, they will get what they want.

They'll get it in hell, maybe, provided Raito has come back from the place of the gone. From the abyss.

Keep wishing he's there.




---




Dear God...

When I read these/this, it seems so laughable (the sorrow prevents it however) that anyone, including me, has ever doubted my life revolving around those two to be anything but sane.






Forgone.

Not for long, darling.

Okay class, let's start the day with a few new Maths Chemistry and Physics problems...

---

“What is Raito-kun doing?”

“I’m a teenage boy…I’m stressed…I need sex, and there is a willing, pretty girl at my disposal. What the hell do you think, Ryuuzaki?”

“I’m just a willing, pretty girl…?” Sniff.

“Uh…who I love very much…”

“Yay!” Kiss. “Mmmn…”

“Misa-san sounds like she’s enjoying a very tasty cake.”

“Shut up, Ryuuzaki.” Ziiiippp.

“That’s not very polite, Raito-kun.”

“Mind your own business.”

“Raito-kun has decided to have sex directly beside me. I believe this was made my business about 13 seconds ago, approximately the moment when you unzipped your pants.”

“Then you should -leave! You -Perv, Ryuu-zaki!” Pant.

“I cannot. The rest of the task force is sleeping, and I would have to watch on the camera anyway.”

“Whatever…”

“Whatever!? You don’t mind, Raito!?”

“Misa. If you don’t want to, then that’s fine. But we might not ever get this chance again.”

“F-Fine, then…”

A few moments later…

“Ryuuzaki, I can’t get my shirt off completely with the chain on.”

“Yes, that is correct, Raito-kun.”

“You don’t care at all, do you?”

“Yes, that is correct, Raito-kun.”

Sigh. Ruffle. Squeak. “Do you have a condom…?”

“Of course! Misa Misa will get it right away.”

Thump thump. Slam. Bam. Thump thump.

“Shouldn’t Raito-kun be worried at all about the reason why she has a contraceptive device so accessible to her?”

“Like I care, Ryuuzaki? I just don’t want to be burdened with child-support.”

Thump thump thud thump. Crash. Squeal. Thump

“Raito-kun is a dead beat dad.”

“I’m not a dad at all, and I don’t plan on being one anytime soon. That’s the point.”

“This is a strange conversation to be having, given the current situation.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, do you want to tell your future children that you discussed having them with your male friend, who was chained to you, while you were sitting almost entirely naked beside him?”

“Ah. That is a rather good point.”

“Yes, I thought so too, Raito-kun.”

“Misa Misa is back! With two condoms!”

“Two…?” Both boys. Simultaneous.

“I have an Extra large and a regular, ‘cause I don’t know how big you are.”

Chuckled. “You should throw away the ‘extra large’, Misa-san…”

“Eh!? Ryuuzaki pervert!”

“The hell, Ryuuzaki?”

“Please, Raito-kun, we shower together. I know how big you are.”

“NO TALKING ABOUT SHOWERING TOGETHER WHEN I’M ABOUT TO MAKE LOVE WITH MY RAITO!” Shouting. High-pitched. Ow.

“…Please, make her stop talking, Raito-kun…”

“Now that I can do.”

“Hey! That’s not -!…oh…”

Many heated, slick noises.

“Is that supposed to go in there?”

“Shut up, Ryuuzaki.” Growl. Annoyed.

“Just a question, Raito-kun, no need to be rude about it. It just doesn’t seem like that part of that anatomy going into that particular orifice would be pleasant at all.”

“Which, Ryuuzaki, is why you’re a virgin.”

“…Oh. That was low. Possibility of being Kira up 5 percent due to malice.”

“Stop…talking…!” Panting. Misa. Low.

A few moments later…

“Is that suppose to make that sound?”

“Yes…Ryuuzaki, it is.”

“I see. And are condoms supposed to look like the kind of balloons that clowns use at birthday parties?”

Giggle. “You know, Raito, they kinda do…”

More slick noise. Thumb-biting noises. Huffing. Sweating. Movement.

“That leg position doesn’t see natural.”

“Please, like you’re…one to talk…”

Gasps. Shudders. Pleas. Misa.

More movement. More thumb-biting. Toe rubbing. Other anatomy rubbing. More noises.

A scream.

“She screamed, Raito-kun.”

“I…heard…Ryuuzaki..”

“…That’s not very compassionate. It sounded painful. Doesn’t that mean you should stop?”

“Let’s…ask. Misa…do you want me…to stop…?”

“Stop and I’ll kill you!” Legs. Fingers. Holding. Faster movements.

“Was that a confession to being second Kira?”

“NO!” Both Raito and Misa.

“See? It wasn’t pain… it was…pleasure…” Harder. Another scream.

“There is very little difference in the sound, Raito-kun. That is rather confusing.”

Sounds. Sharp breaths. Faster. Hair. Tug.

“Oh god!” Pleasure filled. Shout. Misa.

“Now that’s just strange.”

“What, Ryuuzaki?” Husky. Breathy. Raito.

“That just has to be painful.”

“That’s sort of…. the point…. She likes it though… Most people do…”

“Really? Pain heightens the pleasure. Seems very contradictory to me, Raito-kun.”

Fasterharderdeeper. Screams. Shouts. Arching. Orgasm. Misa. Thrust. Groan. Orgasm. Raito.

Laughter. Short chuckles. Deep. Ryuuzaki.

Annoyed looks.

Panting. Sweating. Misa passes out.

More laughter. Louder. Shaking shoulders. Glares.

“What is it now, Ryuuzaki?”

“Hahahahaha -Raito-kun -you -hahahahahahahahahaha…!” Uncontrollable laughing fit. Side hurting. Thud. Ground. Chain stretched. Continued cackling.

“Talks all through the sex but once the sex is over, can he talk? Nooooooo…” Pissed. Crosses arms.

Louder. And louder. And LOUDER.

“Ryuuzaki! What the hell is so funny?”

“…hahaha…”

“…” Waiting. Tapping foot. Furrowed brow.

“Raito-kun…Raito-kun, you…” Dry, short sniggers. Wide eyes. Teary with humor. Long finger. Pointing. At Raito. “You made the funniest face…”

“You -I -what? -Damn it -you can’t say that!”

“Don’t shout, Raito-kun, Misa-san is sleeping.”

“Fuck her! I -”

“I believe Raito-kun already took care of that.”

“I hate you.”

“So does Kira. Ten percent.”

Wham.

-scuttles off quickly this time, firstly to avoid the bricks being thrown at her and to go play KoL-

D:
FUCK YOU YOUTUBE.

YOU WON'T EVEN TELL ME WHEN I'VE GAINED A FUCKING SUBSCRIBER.

I feel so motivated to do my Scar vid now.

-

OK so here's the deal right. I had 80 subs (which is a feat in itself), then I check back a hour or so ago, and I have EIGHTY FUCKING ONE.

Whut. De. Cheese.

-

D: <

RoH, cliffhanger on 16th chapter, yet to be updated = A not very happy Chris.

Still, the person has claimed she shall DEFINITELY finish it, (not forsake it...).


I have faith in happy endings. I have faith in happy endings. I have faith in happy endings. I have faith in happy endings...



Haha, Reigning on Heaven, Raining on Heaven.

Oh, and let's not forget science class.

Because, let's face it...Physics is an empty experience, but as far as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

WHEE YAOI.


-ends randomness-



I got dragged around all over Wellington today. First to Church (MAN I'm good at talking to adults), then to shopping, then to one of the pretty beaches (all the pigeons ate my stuff lulz), now to Grand-Uncle's place. So this isn't even my com.

Mmmhmm.

Shall write more later. And by later I don't necessarily mean later today.

Cuz I'm shacked. -dies of exhaustion-

I'm not often a fan of pop.

In fact, I opt for other genres. Yes, that is the best way I can put it.

But through tabswolf I discovered this song.

I don't know why it struck me so much and why I love it so much.

It probably has something to do with the song not being about the singer being a nymphomaniac or about boys wanting to fuck her ass (isn't that why the rap genre was created?).



it's about a fairytale dream, dreamt through an ordinary girl in an ordinary life, but the dream turns into a story.

And the story ain't fiction, honey.


Just a day,
Just an ordinary day.
Just tryin' to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.

But he was looking towards the sky.

And as he asked if I would come along
I started to realize-
That everyday you find
Just what he's looking for,
Like a shooting star he shines.

He said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand?

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
You'd swear those words could heal.
And I as looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine.
And to know he's no stranger,
For I feel I've held him for all of time.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can
And if we walk now we will divide and conquer this land.
Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand?
Right in the palm of your hand...

Please come with me,
See what I see.
Touch the stars for time will not flee.
Time will not flee.
Can you be-

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream.
As I wake in bed
And the boy, that boy, that ordinary boy.
Or was it all in my head?
Did he asked if I would come along
It all seemed so real.
But as I looked to the door,
I saw that boy standing there with a deal.
And he said may he take my hand,
Live while you can,
Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand?
Right in the palm of your hand
Right in the palm of your hand

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by.

Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.

Today, surprisingly, I looked in the mirror.


God, but has it been a long time since I actually looked at myself.

I'm so engaged in looking at other things, like this, that, my characters, AMVs, the Internet, watching with a hawk's eye at how my blog's/life's going, looking at pictures of others, that I've nearly forgotten how thy looks!

Seriously!

But not completely forgotten. However forgotten enough so much so that when I looked in the big mirror in my mother's bathroom first thing in the morning, I was stunned.

Heh.

Remember, Chris? Remember when you were newborn, just a tiny little kitten, smaller than Grace and Gayle but soon to tower lovingly over your favorite twin cousins?

And then remember those Kindergarden days, dressed in pretty socks, in the Swan Lake ballet, but every day the same despite the different joys, coming home to your best friend you didn't know was your best friend, having her run her hands over you and tell you stories to sleep and tell you so many things you'd love to hear again, before it was too late.

And then it was too late, for naivety was slowly fading, innocence dying slowly to be replaced by maturity and hardheadedness and flaws - oh dear me, all those flaws - And it was a sad time. All the consequences that seemed to harsh for light actions that had always been rewarded with a scott-free escape before - why? What went wrong?

And then, when naivety and innocence had completely died but come back in a different, more beautiful form is when this flower realizes blossom is a tiring destination and even then the road is not over. And she also realizes that nothing has went wrong.

It's just that sometimes, in the crazy quilt of God's plan the pattern is slow coming.


She is sobered over the loss of her, yet glad that for one loss she has gained another. Because she has gained another, she has given life, and that is a cause for joy.



Now, as she looks into the mirror, black hair looking like it came out of a NASA training center yet still remaining tragically beautiful and thick like a jungle, form not lithe and thin but with strong insides not outsides like a well centered oak, broad shoulders, big eyes (wide with fascination at the world and that same innocence), and finally, to top off this beautiful image of an -almost-to-be-woman:


A smile.

Damn right you are! ...


It's just not easy to start conversation with you because of the age difference and the country difference and the fact that all we've ever shared is/was awkward smiles, a few innocent jokes, erm, teases.

Nothing else D:

Although I suppose I can start now right?

Right?

Haha, please don't answer. I sound like a retarded fangirl. Maybe I'm the only one who is a clingy admirer but at the same time feels that clingy admirers are yucky. Maybe I'm the only one who loves someone yet feels that it's disgusting to do so with someone you barely know -_-

...Poppycock.





I shall now commence to be not so cryptic (ZOMG) and tell you what the hell I'm rambling on about.



It's about my cousin Esther.

MMMHMM. Nod nod nod, this is why I don't let her in here see, because if she saw that I'd go as red as blood and duck behind the nearest object I can find hoping the world would swallow me up.

D: Here I am saying that I shouldn't obess over approval but here I am scared of what a person I barely know and only have a blood relation to link to THINKS OF ME.

wtf, am I going les?


And yet.

It's because she seems to have substance. Seems to. I read her blog a few months ago and I think she's cool but has a bit too much of the ditzy touch.

Then she takes that thought and gives me a full refund on it.

If there's ever a cooler person I wanted to make friends with...

well, not so desperately in recent times. But I'm dying for a strong bond between a girl (almost) my age (but the same in mental powress I assume), and that I KNOW isn't a pedophile on the Internetz. -_-"

Whywhywhy?

Eh, am I still scared that she's a homophobe?

It makes no sense. I'll never make a Christian friend like this. -rolls eyes.

I always liked her. Even in SG. Always found an excuse to sit next to her.

I. Don't. Fucking. Know. Why!

She's a dress person, I cling to jeans like a barnacle clings to a coral. She's feminine IMO, I'm not IMO. She's this, I'm that.

And yet?

I think that my adoration was due to something rather childish. Which is why I do not say how much I think that she's such a cool cousin.

Yet in subtle cases and think she has and can spot it -_-"

Maybe it's something to do with me being an only child?

I think that.

---
--
-

Hey, you're not the only one with skewed vision, as they say.

And I say skewed vision is cool.

Why the hell else do they buy those swirly glasses.

-


OK is going to shut up now.

D:

Whywhywhy do I make such a mess?

No, shut up. That's not being very nice to me.

-scuttles off slowly to play KoL-

Reminder to self,

Upload the Candy vid to Imeem xD

Because sure as hell it's got better HQ quality.

...I hope?

D:

Ah well.

Busy life! Not so much to talk about at the moment.


Plus I can't write with someone breathing down my neck.

Yar.

So, to my faithful readers, (aka NOBODY,) must wait hor. C:

And here I take off my headphones in respect and awe to this, also to hear the one thing that's been battering since that night:

Truth.

Sad, that I didn't grasp so much meaning from it as I should have. Sad, that my parents didn't really seem to like it.

Sad, that I don't know where it is now. Probably in Singapore.

I was yearning for Brokeback Mountain and I didn't know I'd already watched the Eastern version. I don't want to laugh at this and anyway, it wouldn't be appropriate.

I didn't know what to expect and therefore did not catch the entire gist (see Papa that's why you should always do your research first).

I did not catch the beautiful meaning behind it all.

I had to rely on a thread to realize, 'oh my God, what a thing it must've been to realize this whilst watching the movie.'

...Everyone.

Go.

Watch.

It.

Now.


-


I like this part. I like how she/he interprets it all as a happy ending. And I also like how she's unfurled each character, how they all achieve what they've wanted in the end.

(excerpt)

Jang-saeng
Why does he go to Han-yang (Seoul)? Because he wants to put on the best and biggest show ever. Why does he invite trouble by satirizing the king? Because he wants to make more money.

Why doesn't he leave the palace, after clashing with the court ministers and nearly being chased out? Because Cheo-sun told him that he dares to satirize the king, yet doesn't have the guts to satirize the ministers.

Concerning Gong-gil, he obviously has many doubts and questions. Why doesn't he clearly ask him? Because of feelings that he dares not utter.

Jang-saeng's initial desires were not to be starved or be bullied. When do his ambitions become so grand and numerous? They become big enough to hoodwink him and blind him to what he really wants.

Gong-gil
Why does he silently abide by whatever Jang-saeng says? Because he is used to Jang-saeng providing for and protecting him. With Jang-saeng taking care of everything, he does not have to think or worry about anything.

Why doesn't he leave when Jang-saeng wants to leave the palace? Because he is unable to let go of Yeon-san. For the first time, he feels intensively needed and able to protect others, as he has always been protected.

Underlying those acquiescing footsteps is his deep attachment to Jang-saeng. Holding him back is a king's tear. Innocent as he is, Gong-gil's eyes hold affection for his Jang-saeng and only sympathy for the king.

Yeon-san
Why does he lose control when he is with Gong-gil? Because of the Oedipal complex he feels for his mother through Gong-gil.

Why doesn't he let Gong-gil go when the young man wants to leave the palace? Because he is the king and nothing is unobtainable for him.

Yet, even with absolute power, he still cannot gain the one thing which he is doomed never to have - maternal love, warmth, freedom.

Other than power, Yeon-san has nothing in this world. (Yes, I will repeat that sentence again because I want to and need to: Other than power, Yeon-san has nothing in this world.)

Nok-soo
Why does she want Gong-gil dead? Because she thinks Gong-gil is out to seize the king from her.

This is a woman who has crawled from the gloomiest corner to where she is today, experiencing pains that only she knows. Thus, her jealousy knows no bounds, even if it causes her to self-immolate.


Every one of them has been hoodwinked. Desire, ambition, money, love, power, jealousy has clouded their eyes. Unable to see what they really want, blind as to what they can hold onto until tragedy strikes - until Jang-saeng is blinded and Gong-gil attempts suicide. Only then do they clearly see themselves and others.

Jang-saeng says, "If this is the taste of being blinded, I should have been blinded a long time ago." Only when he is blinded does he realize that all he ever wanted was to be together and to live a simple life with Gong-gil.

When Jang-saeng is blinded, Gong-gil finally understands that the one person he cannot live without is Jang-saeng. It is not the king and never was.

When Gong-gil attempts suicide, the king realizes how important Jang-saeng is to Gong-gil. No matter how much power one has, that power cannot hold back another person's heart. Gong-gil is not his mother and has never belonged to him. The only one who is still willing to stay by his side is Nok-soo.

When Gong-gil attempts suicide, Nok-soo realizes that Gong-gil never thought of taking the king away from her. All he ever really wants is to be with Jang-saeng - to live together, or to die together. Her envy is totally unfounded.

Every one of them has experienced sorrow and joy, and in the end recognizes themselves and their needs. At the end of the movie, Jang-saeng and Gong-gil make a pact to be together in their next lives, while Yeon-san and Nok-soo are by each other's side until the end. They have grasped happiness that they can have and be had in their own ways. That, in my opinion, is a happy ending.












And I can now say that I have watched Brokeback Mountain with all certainty.

Oh yes.





"♥Cinderella walked on BROKEN GLASS

Sleeping Beauty let a whole LIFETIME pass

Belle fell in LOVE with a hideous BEAST

Jasmine married a common theif

Ariel walked on land for LOVE and LIFE

Snow White barely ESCAPED a KNIFE

It was all about blood, sweat, and tears because LOVE means facing your biggest FEARS"

There's one belief I will carry through until the end.


(no it's not a/the belief in God ... )

It's the simple statement, that 'In the End, everything will be OK. If it's not OK, it's not the end.'

I've seen evidence to the contrary. But then again, what you often cannot see is the rock hard happy ending.

That's what I have faith in: Happy endings. Me and wild-filly alike.

It's stupid to have faith in this sort of things, some say. Whether or not the ending will be happy or sorrowful, matters on luck not whether you believe it to be.

But why not? What harm does believing in a delusion like this do?

If I do, chances are higher that it will. Vice versa. Isn't it?


Isn't it?

-



'You're mad!'

I grin. 'If I wasn't, this'd probably never work.'

END. ♥

... ):

Yes, ):

Sigh.

I can't bear that thought.

Should'nt one finish what one's started?

I discovered True Elison. I could add a 'the' in front of it but bah P:


D:

She hardly updates! I mean, I think the latest was quite recent, because she welcomed back with 'happy summer break everyone', (but fuck, if she's in America isn't that so long ago?), and FF.Net seems to say it's not too long ago.

But I can't trust FF.Net. It keeps giving me different answers when I ask "WHEN THE FUCK DID SHE UPDATE?!"

D:

I can't take this anymore.

I don't want to read it and end up disappointed with a cliffhanger that will ruin my life 4 EVA.


...

That reminds me of myself.


-whimpers-

-covers head in hands-

My Hero - Spirit

I plan to mix up the original and the cover by Paramore. Copyright THAT, Youtube! Ha!

...

sigh.

Long Road to Ruin - Foo Fighters

Love/Hate songs which are so the same yet so different.

Quote - Evans Blue

The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

and in between, of course, we have Breath by Breaking Benjamin.

ALL of which I intend to put to FatH.

Yuppers.

'OK, so we were allowed to go to America on ONE condition: That we promise NOT to be entertaining.'


LULZ. TopGear. xDDD

iluJeremyyyyyy. No, not YOU Sim D: < U may be handsome but Clarkson rulz. Lyk, ttly.

Sleep.

(contains my view on THEM. Even if you're my friend, piss off and STFU if you don't like it, I don't wanna hear it ^^)


Saving the details of my real life for later (bah fiction is always better,) I want to dedicate this case to Kira and Ryuuzaki.

They.


Are.


Awesome.


Take my hand tonight! Let's not think about tomorrow-

~; and damn the consequence...Please


D: I can't quite focus! cause I'm watching TESCA's 6 Betas. Cock.

----

About Music

LR's bands.

I hearby declare BREAKING BENJAMIN as the band for the LR Pairing.



Imperfection is the most beautiful picture of all.

D: I put so much more information in my YouTube videos than in my blog. Guilty as charged.


'ARRRGHHHH!

I feel so overwhelmed!

No, seriously. I feel effed up. Just my luck to feel fucked up at the beginning of the year. First happy things happen, and then shitty things, and then I realize hurtful truths, and then I spend a few deliriously happy hours/DAYS, and then my microphone breaks. Really, whoever said that happiness and sadness all come bundled up and in waves needs to go have air holes drilled in his skull (nah, I jest, the person who said that is someone I admire).

In any case, I am feeling very conflicted now, and I'm sorry to burden you all with that paragraph of irrelevancy, but there is ONE thing I am not conflicted or insecure about.

That YouTube will kill all AMVs. All. All all all. Not just the ones with songs composed by the bands you've heard, not just those with the full song title in the title, ALL.

So I'll migrate to veoh. Yes, yes I will. I'm sick and tired of all the bigshot editors and falling down like flies and fellow friends living in fear of their next video being eaten. Some of us have made a big reputation in this site, and when it all dies sometimes it's too much. But for me? Neyeh, never was too attached to Youtube anyway. I'll bid this place farewell.


Anywho, to those pissed at me because I haven't made a REAL Disney video lately, my apologies, but don't you have bigger things to worry about? D: Don't we all?

Oh, and: First Ratatouille video! I liked the concept and I like the outcome. This is the first time I tried making a video along the lines of, 'arrange clips first, effects later.' I think it came out OK. Ignore repeated scenes please

Also: yes my microphone broke. So I'll just have to do my upcoming dub with the lines I have already recorded. Unless my father miraculously produces another one from his handy toolkit box (highly unlikely! xD) This also means that I can't do one of those shazzy Rant videos which I wanted to D: 真 可 连 阿。。。


On a lighter note, happy new year everyone. I hope your start of 2009 wasn't as shitty as mine, but in the long run, I hope you all have a splendid time.




Love to you all. ღ
Keyinei'


Well OK maybe not really. But still. I am so overwhelmed! My microphone died, I'm so sad D: Truly I am. And William refuses to stay over. The one person I can treat like a little brother and he just...Ugggh.

I suppose siblings are like that sometimes though...Haha.

What a shitty start to the year.

):

Shitty shitty shitty! So shitty! Damnnit!

I don't know what to do...

Anyway, I finally managed to download Taikutsu from a site. The front cover is hot! But the pages are HOTTER... -nosebleeeeeeedddd- Gush.

Speaking of Lawliet and Yagami though. (I'm going to squeeze in a little joke here about how 'Yagami' spelt backwards is 'I'm a gay' TEEHEE)

I can say that my life revolves around them, and no lawyer can successfully say that I am a hundred percent lying. But that is because I dare not say that I am a hundred percent sure of such a flimsy fact.


But then again...Where would I be without the pairing? (ohnowhatahorriblethoughttothinnk)What else has shaped my life? Lots of things. But when I think of Love my mind flies back to those two almost unconsciously. Unconsciously...

And why not? The pairing is a miracle of modern...modern divinity. Words cannot express how much this pairing never ceases to amaze me. Remember Ossie? Every time he passed by the hyacinth field, he could just stand there forever, mesmerized by the swaying, ash-purple flowers that seemed to fall from heaven above. The field went on and on, like nothing he had ever seen, like nothing that had ever been.

If a place like this was possible, Ossie could only imagine what else was in that world out there.


A thought strikes me.

When I think of Love, when my body is imbued with it, it becomes a lot easier to Love God himself. This kind of goes in a circle, since my equation goes something like this:

God = Love. Love = a formula which makes it easier to love and understand God. So I need Love to further understand and appreciate Love itself.

Odd. Yet, somehow comforting. This notion makes complete sense in that way.

No, wait!

I need to add another line to that Mathematical theory.

God = Love. Love = a formula which makes it easier to love and understand God. So I need Love to further understand and appreciate Love itself. The L x Raito pairing = where my main and strongest source of Love comes from, where I get that rising, diaphanous feeling below my lungs that makes me want to hug someone or something, where I get my first taste of Love.


-disbelieving yet believing chuckle- Oh my Love, this has brought me to such a towering height. Such a towering, towering towering height. I'm so high, I can hear heaven. ♫

Sigh.

You know what? When I think of that pairing, all my problems disappear. Where the fuck cocaine and heroin came in, I don't know and why.

But.

[And then thought strikes, brings me crashing back down to normality, an alarming red light flashes]

'The pairing doesn't exist! I mean, L and Raito are fictional characters. A DeathNote is a fake object. It's all not real.'

Not real? Not real. Not real.

...

This thought kind of makes me feel like I've lost a limb. No. Worse.

Like I've lost a 6th? sense. Lost it. Gone. Like I can't talk, write, smell, taste or see. Or maybe all. Yes, all, another's taken from me. I'm dying piece by piece...

"It's like drowning, isn't it, love?"

Don't call me that, I tell him. Her. It. Dont' throw that word around freely. That's not what I am.

It's still consuming me. Damnit. I can't swim out of this one.

So I think. Yes, thoughts are what I need to bring myself out of this quickSEA, but what thought? Which? And can I still meet the criteria, have the ingredients to make the dish?

He/She/It senses my (winning) solution in my mind (the damned gremlin!), quickens the quicksand with a thundering, horrible click of He/She/It's fingers. That's a sound I'll take to my grave, that is.

Ah, then I find it. No euphoria, oddly. Just as if I'm looking at an optical illusion and I figure out the trick. Oh. There. And I can never not see it again.

Love.

And just like that, He/She/It's command over me was, IS, broken.

I am, it is: Free, liberated, unbound.

The way it should be.

-

The above was a rather graphic example of 1. My writing skill and the way I write. 2. The way I feel when I am reminded that the pairing is fictional, exaggerated into a very painful height (which will not be an exaggeration if I keep on believing at this rate). And 3. finally,my realization of another thing. So many revelations

I realize that the above exaggeration of pain can begone and can become unrealized UNpossiblity, but only if I realize something.

That the pairing is very much alive and thriving and it exists in my brain! And it is only because of Love that it does. Now, that's an unstoppable force, you can't stop it from helping me out of that quicksea. :]


Thank you, Love.


Footnote, I wrote this all in one sitting. Love's powers demonstrated again! With some hardcore determination mixed in.

[&that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your...]

Sugarcult. What a cool band name. 8D Their song The Way is so Sexy. Lol.

D: Annoying little boy looking over my shoulder. Not cool, mate.

I was going to say something very...Clever about my favorite pairing of ALL TIME, but my mood's kinda dampened...


Later, I suppose. After I take care of this little brat.


Toodles.