Today, surprisingly, I looked in the mirror.


God, but has it been a long time since I actually looked at myself.

I'm so engaged in looking at other things, like this, that, my characters, AMVs, the Internet, watching with a hawk's eye at how my blog's/life's going, looking at pictures of others, that I've nearly forgotten how thy looks!

Seriously!

But not completely forgotten. However forgotten enough so much so that when I looked in the big mirror in my mother's bathroom first thing in the morning, I was stunned.

Heh.

Remember, Chris? Remember when you were newborn, just a tiny little kitten, smaller than Grace and Gayle but soon to tower lovingly over your favorite twin cousins?

And then remember those Kindergarden days, dressed in pretty socks, in the Swan Lake ballet, but every day the same despite the different joys, coming home to your best friend you didn't know was your best friend, having her run her hands over you and tell you stories to sleep and tell you so many things you'd love to hear again, before it was too late.

And then it was too late, for naivety was slowly fading, innocence dying slowly to be replaced by maturity and hardheadedness and flaws - oh dear me, all those flaws - And it was a sad time. All the consequences that seemed to harsh for light actions that had always been rewarded with a scott-free escape before - why? What went wrong?

And then, when naivety and innocence had completely died but come back in a different, more beautiful form is when this flower realizes blossom is a tiring destination and even then the road is not over. And she also realizes that nothing has went wrong.

It's just that sometimes, in the crazy quilt of God's plan the pattern is slow coming.


She is sobered over the loss of her, yet glad that for one loss she has gained another. Because she has gained another, she has given life, and that is a cause for joy.



Now, as she looks into the mirror, black hair looking like it came out of a NASA training center yet still remaining tragically beautiful and thick like a jungle, form not lithe and thin but with strong insides not outsides like a well centered oak, broad shoulders, big eyes (wide with fascination at the world and that same innocence), and finally, to top off this beautiful image of an -almost-to-be-woman:


A smile.