D: I put so much more information in my YouTube videos than in my blog. Guilty as charged.


'ARRRGHHHH!

I feel so overwhelmed!

No, seriously. I feel effed up. Just my luck to feel fucked up at the beginning of the year. First happy things happen, and then shitty things, and then I realize hurtful truths, and then I spend a few deliriously happy hours/DAYS, and then my microphone breaks. Really, whoever said that happiness and sadness all come bundled up and in waves needs to go have air holes drilled in his skull (nah, I jest, the person who said that is someone I admire).

In any case, I am feeling very conflicted now, and I'm sorry to burden you all with that paragraph of irrelevancy, but there is ONE thing I am not conflicted or insecure about.

That YouTube will kill all AMVs. All. All all all. Not just the ones with songs composed by the bands you've heard, not just those with the full song title in the title, ALL.

So I'll migrate to veoh. Yes, yes I will. I'm sick and tired of all the bigshot editors and falling down like flies and fellow friends living in fear of their next video being eaten. Some of us have made a big reputation in this site, and when it all dies sometimes it's too much. But for me? Neyeh, never was too attached to Youtube anyway. I'll bid this place farewell.


Anywho, to those pissed at me because I haven't made a REAL Disney video lately, my apologies, but don't you have bigger things to worry about? D: Don't we all?

Oh, and: First Ratatouille video! I liked the concept and I like the outcome. This is the first time I tried making a video along the lines of, 'arrange clips first, effects later.' I think it came out OK. Ignore repeated scenes please

Also: yes my microphone broke. So I'll just have to do my upcoming dub with the lines I have already recorded. Unless my father miraculously produces another one from his handy toolkit box (highly unlikely! xD) This also means that I can't do one of those shazzy Rant videos which I wanted to D: 真 可 连 阿。。。


On a lighter note, happy new year everyone. I hope your start of 2009 wasn't as shitty as mine, but in the long run, I hope you all have a splendid time.




Love to you all. ღ
Keyinei'


Well OK maybe not really. But still. I am so overwhelmed! My microphone died, I'm so sad D: Truly I am. And William refuses to stay over. The one person I can treat like a little brother and he just...Ugggh.

I suppose siblings are like that sometimes though...Haha.

What a shitty start to the year.

):

Shitty shitty shitty! So shitty! Damnnit!

I don't know what to do...

Anyway, I finally managed to download Taikutsu from a site. The front cover is hot! But the pages are HOTTER... -nosebleeeeeeedddd- Gush.

Speaking of Lawliet and Yagami though. (I'm going to squeeze in a little joke here about how 'Yagami' spelt backwards is 'I'm a gay' TEEHEE)

I can say that my life revolves around them, and no lawyer can successfully say that I am a hundred percent lying. But that is because I dare not say that I am a hundred percent sure of such a flimsy fact.


But then again...Where would I be without the pairing? (ohnowhatahorriblethoughttothinnk)What else has shaped my life? Lots of things. But when I think of Love my mind flies back to those two almost unconsciously. Unconsciously...

And why not? The pairing is a miracle of modern...modern divinity. Words cannot express how much this pairing never ceases to amaze me. Remember Ossie? Every time he passed by the hyacinth field, he could just stand there forever, mesmerized by the swaying, ash-purple flowers that seemed to fall from heaven above. The field went on and on, like nothing he had ever seen, like nothing that had ever been.

If a place like this was possible, Ossie could only imagine what else was in that world out there.


A thought strikes me.

When I think of Love, when my body is imbued with it, it becomes a lot easier to Love God himself. This kind of goes in a circle, since my equation goes something like this:

God = Love. Love = a formula which makes it easier to love and understand God. So I need Love to further understand and appreciate Love itself.

Odd. Yet, somehow comforting. This notion makes complete sense in that way.

No, wait!

I need to add another line to that Mathematical theory.

God = Love. Love = a formula which makes it easier to love and understand God. So I need Love to further understand and appreciate Love itself. The L x Raito pairing = where my main and strongest source of Love comes from, where I get that rising, diaphanous feeling below my lungs that makes me want to hug someone or something, where I get my first taste of Love.


-disbelieving yet believing chuckle- Oh my Love, this has brought me to such a towering height. Such a towering, towering towering height. I'm so high, I can hear heaven. ♫

Sigh.

You know what? When I think of that pairing, all my problems disappear. Where the fuck cocaine and heroin came in, I don't know and why.

But.

[And then thought strikes, brings me crashing back down to normality, an alarming red light flashes]

'The pairing doesn't exist! I mean, L and Raito are fictional characters. A DeathNote is a fake object. It's all not real.'

Not real? Not real. Not real.

...

This thought kind of makes me feel like I've lost a limb. No. Worse.

Like I've lost a 6th? sense. Lost it. Gone. Like I can't talk, write, smell, taste or see. Or maybe all. Yes, all, another's taken from me. I'm dying piece by piece...

"It's like drowning, isn't it, love?"

Don't call me that, I tell him. Her. It. Dont' throw that word around freely. That's not what I am.

It's still consuming me. Damnit. I can't swim out of this one.

So I think. Yes, thoughts are what I need to bring myself out of this quickSEA, but what thought? Which? And can I still meet the criteria, have the ingredients to make the dish?

He/She/It senses my (winning) solution in my mind (the damned gremlin!), quickens the quicksand with a thundering, horrible click of He/She/It's fingers. That's a sound I'll take to my grave, that is.

Ah, then I find it. No euphoria, oddly. Just as if I'm looking at an optical illusion and I figure out the trick. Oh. There. And I can never not see it again.

Love.

And just like that, He/She/It's command over me was, IS, broken.

I am, it is: Free, liberated, unbound.

The way it should be.

-

The above was a rather graphic example of 1. My writing skill and the way I write. 2. The way I feel when I am reminded that the pairing is fictional, exaggerated into a very painful height (which will not be an exaggeration if I keep on believing at this rate). And 3. finally,my realization of another thing. So many revelations

I realize that the above exaggeration of pain can begone and can become unrealized UNpossiblity, but only if I realize something.

That the pairing is very much alive and thriving and it exists in my brain! And it is only because of Love that it does. Now, that's an unstoppable force, you can't stop it from helping me out of that quicksea. :]


Thank you, Love.


Footnote, I wrote this all in one sitting. Love's powers demonstrated again! With some hardcore determination mixed in.