and down.
and left.
and right and every other damn proposition you can think of.

I mean, honestly, a omnipotent, omni-everything being that created EVERYTHING, and knows EVERYTHING, and will make right EVERYTHING?!


THIS IS ALL GOING TO GO TO OUR HEADS AND BUST IT OPEN WITH BLOOD.

He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down
I'm gonna put it six feet underground
He said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls
Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire
Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires
Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn
Do back the things it did to you in return

all the Fuckups in this world is due to the fact that we are striving to become more like Kami

whatever Kami is

rather, whatever you think he is
[I'm listening to Crack the Shutters as I type this; it's the only thing I can do to stop myself from going insane]

Ah, ah, ah
He said oh I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Oh and I'm gonna buy this place, that's what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

striving to become better
better and sitting up in swings upside down so our head brushes the sand with that crazy, pseudo-caring grin plastered on our face
and the demon has woken, but he's lied to us so seductively, orgasmicly we don't even know we're taken
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT WE DON'T CARE [anymore, but as if we could truly do so in the first place]

And honey
All the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you mean to go on
Start as you mean to go on

- which is to say, like a murderous rampage.

becauseAll we want is to become more like that one being
who is so damn misleading
because you believe he's the puppeteer
he says, 'I died for you, and I love you,'
and you are moved




Cooking magazine says those who lack sweetness in life turn to sugar for compensation.
This me says those who lack love in life turn to God for compensation.

He said I'm gonna buy this place and see it go
Stand here beside me baby watch the orange glow
Some will laugh and some just sit and cry
But you just sit down there and you wonder why
So I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
I'm gonna buy this place, that's what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

I hope I've offended you
and shown you
that you still
have some pride
and self-esteem
and paranoia
to be offended.

I hope
that I can strike you down
and burn you to ashes
and show you how you are
truly,
and show you that you're not at all special and/or different
not in the least bit
but that you are beautiful
and that you in no way resemble the bloodied, disembodied figure upon the big T who's bathed and batched and butchered in the blood of infallible false pretense

and yet
I hope
it's not me
who has to go through all this pain
and all this trouble
just to show you
who you really are.


i am all but for a failure
and we all are
sinking in this ship together
like the Titanic with the Iceberg in slow motion
but we still believe there's a Captain when he jumped ship before he even set sail

And honey
All the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They said start as you mean to go on
As you mean to go on, as you mean to go on

and no i didn't mean that
I fucking respect and love all people
what am I, a human? (please oh god don't answer that)
I have Christian friends
and family
and I'd gladly die for them
(just don't tell them it's because I value my life a appallingly torridly tiny amount)


but I want them to know
that I'm so scared
that they
will think
it's a good idea
to become better
to become better than human
to fix their flaws


any flaw
be it the habit that you chew on your pencil
or nibble your teddybear's ear

every bad thing
started with fixing flaws
and I'm scared
that they will be so convinced that they can, through evidence and past successes (and the fact that said successes seem to be real scare the living shit out of me), and that they can become nearer to God because they are becoming more pure and holy-

Oh god...
those two words scare the living shit out me
pure and holy
are words that have less meaning than 'I'm sorry'.

So meet me by the bridge, meet me by the lane
When am I going to see that pretty face again
Meet me on the road, meet me where I said
Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head

In any religion.

The only thing an omnipotent being seems to do, here, is kill everyone and everything slowly by giving a neverending blood transfusion to the brain

it gives us hope in all the wrong places
it tells us we can become better
than who we are
it tells us the ultimate flaw can be fixed
it tells me I can be so much more than this
and I tell him that so much more than this is so much more poisonous
so much more lethal
and that I don't fancy the image of my head bursting into blood please
oh lord please


















Father Forgive, but it was nothing like this.