Oh shit I've got no more time to blog D: I'm sorry xP I'll try and clear this up quickly

[fuck man, I'm having mood swings like a pregnant lady o.o Seriously I is hoping it's not PMS]

I don't think I can ever...really...fall...in...love
okthat'nottrue. :/

but I know that american kids are snogging at like, TEN, and reading the CHERUB series, I know how damn perverted they all are at such a early age (this isn't a compliment, guys, nor a piece of criticism, it's a fact), and I'm thinking, Am I like them?

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a (first) instance that I'mma be happy I fit in with the crowd.


It's just...I want to compare myself. I'm so curious.



And I find that I am starkly different.



I am pumped full with hormones, yes, I am horny and needy and I satisfy my need, no matter how inadequately because I don't give a fuck, I could imagine that being fucked would be awesomesauce indeed.


I sometimes think, man, what I wouldn't do to (be a boy) and have a dude, any dude, as long as I love him, wrap his arms around me.



But now, it's just...different;.


I'm aware that some kids are in lust not in love, but I think of all those little kids who want a soul mate so bad, and I think, fuck.



I don't want people to love. or to love me. [I feed off the love of my pairings], I'm trying to say, and that disturbs me slightly.

but I don't want people to love me because I wouldn't understand why
There are a lot of things that I don't understand and still embrace with arms wide open
but love is too big a thing not for me to figure out at least why, and until that question is answered I just can't...




OK. Let me just illustrate two things for you with color, and this will make you see.


1. A boy asked me over MSN, whether I'd be his girlfriend please?, in a wonderfully gentlemanly way
We both liked each other and there was no denying it; although I say there's no chemistry between us