Just had The Talk.

And NO I don't mean The Talk as in the birds and the bees |8< This was ten times more seeeriouuus. And random. Comfuckingpletely out of the blue.



it was about religion.

everything
came
clean


inoneheartnudginghellofwhichI'veneverbeenso...


and when it was all over the first thing she said, 'Christie, you need to cut your toenails.'

Everything went on so fucking normal, I should've felt like laughing at the absurdity of it. Christie you need to cut your toenails? After all that thought of which 3 1/2 years of sorrow was spilled onto the table and I mean a permanent stain.

Posting the entire conversation here would be a feast to your eyes, wouldn't it?

wouldn't it?


I won't. Not. No.






When she held my hand and prayed for me, tears plopped and some more and I held a now very liquid filled palm to my nose/jaw/face. And for the first minute or so I felt so loved and even more desperate to have faith in something, anything, like a newborn craving for milk.

And then, to my utter aghastment, it stopped.

The eagerness and the craving stopped. All these long whiles of honing my apathy and ignorance has finally paid off with the paycheck of horror and inevietable doom. As she sat there warming my hand, my heart had finally settled into the coolest abyss of the deep blue sea. I could no longer feel it. No longer feel it.


The price I pay for only staying in one place.
























If you really must know, she kept avoiding my questions, I must say.





...I love you, Mum.