would I care if you cared?


I don't know...this is a facade, but it doesn't feel like it anymore? at all?




god




i don't know how to do this anymore.







'So, it's wrong to make love if it's between...two males.'

She said it clearly, if she said it at all,


'yes.'



I could see her face. It was the squeamish portrait of uneasiness.

I wanted to scoff - what's the word again?- ah yes, beatifically. 'Then don't use the word lovemaking, mother dearest, because you don't know what it means...!





I'd rather you use fornicate or screw, even, because that's your definition of the act and don't worry, the dictionary has enough synonyms to go around for those of different thinking.



So don't describe this wonderful act as something you do to make love, because that's certainly not what you know it as.


Nah, you know it as the reproduction cycle.


I know it as something more beautiful, something without bounds.'













If you must know, I was shivering throughout and I started crying for a reason I cannot identify - No Iwasn'tsad.





Don't worry...I always shiver when I cry. Well actually not shiver. More like an uncontrollable shaking throughout my frame in small pieces.




---

'I want you to become a Christian.'

'I know.'


I always knew.
Still, that never stopped the tiny emotional wave of realization coming in. Bloody annoying, yes?



---



that night, when I lay in my bed, cold although I had three layers on, with certain parts of my anatomy sore, I found myself thinking.


'I came clean.'



I had sometimes imagined this conversation, imagined it as a scary thing and fearful with shouting and arguing and hollering, 'JUST LET ME BE'...

but I came clean.


She gave me every right to disagree, though, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.


...Oh my God, I came clean.


---


shall I quote *estallidos? Yes, yes I shall.

i used to think that i wanted to believe in god, but now i realize that i was just desperate to have faith in something.

in anything.

•




•




•

---


CARP now you'll make me think, 'or is it just friends?' when I see a yaoi couple.

Must thou stunt my hormones so? xDDD


---



I didn't force myself to write this so long.



















I haven't loved a song like this in so long


I think it's too abstract somehow, it's love/hate but so much hate and while the verses are beautiful [FIRST TWO LINES ARE PURE LOVE FROM HEAVEN ABOVE] and while the odd vague verse is awesome, the chorus...it needs more elaboration on the relationship Jacob is singing about.



Still.


If you haven't heard Brave New World by Hedley, and you don't intend to, then you intend to die unfufilled.




Unnerstan hor.