"Look, a pony,” L pointed with a childish smile on his face.

Raito slowly turned to gawk a bit at the detective, partially horrified and awed that a grown man could utter such a line and not break some unmentioned law of the universe that forbade adults from using the word ‘pony’ to describe a horse.

:'D


I freaking LOVE CoD.

Haha, I guess you were right Nick
It IS epic not to have different accounts for different MVs






:D Thank you! You guys really make my day awww. five votes, so I shall finish Culling of the Fold! It will be shoved to the bottom of my priority list, however, like a vet shoves worm tablets down the throat of your pet cat. sorry! but I want to get Quote, Angels and Iris done. In that order. Once I finish Quote you'll be my side project, though, as I finish the other four MVs :)



anyway tomorrow is my father's birthday so I guess I should start looking for ecards.


hmm, there's not really much to say. life is continuing as normal and I don't have much philosophical statements to add. and i wouldn't want to describe my life, no. it'd bore you to tears. whoop whoop, such a rollercoaster routine for me, eh?













________________________________

=➣ You know, sometimes I look out the kitchen window and it's pure white like snow. but at night it can turn pitch black like the face of darkness. The sky is like a chroma keyer: whatever the weather, it turns translucent to show through. and whenever it rains, the whole scene is affected by greyscale.










it's hailing.



















_____________________________

❤ ،And There are some insignificant moments in my life that may seem like nothing to the outside observer, but I shall count amongst the happiest minutes I have ever experienced.

And one moment I shall always treasure is that obscure, forgotten Sunday 6 years ago when I woke up at the crack of dawn for some unknown reason. Woke up, lazed out onto the ballroom-like living room, touched my feet on the cold marble and found Sri in the kitchen. And then, she brought me mashed potato leftovers, authentic KFC stuff, and let me tuck in while still sitting crosslegged, in front of the TV table, half-asleep.

and then, she stayed by my side as I watched the stars put on their invisibility cloaks and the sun rise like a great big jewel in the sky.



i could swear, infact i can and i will, that was heaven on earth.
______________________________











•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

❤☂ stand under my umbrella, ella, ey ey ey lol :D






also,

i wonder, is this what gnommish would look like? :P

╔➣ ç؛ ƒéç؛ ∂لَ éç ٍي؛ ىé∂∂ℓ؛ َƒ ٍي؛ çégيٍ
ٍùَ ∂؛ل∂ âََ¾ gٍَ ٌُ ٍَ ƒégيٍ
âل¢ê-ٍَ-âل¢ê ٍي؛َ ƒل¢؛∂ ؛ل¢ي ٍَي؛ے
∂ے؛ù ٍي؛éے ¾ùَے∂¾ لç∂ ¾يٍَ ؛ل¢ي ٍَي؛ے
ل ∂؛لƒ ٌَℓé¢؛ىلç ي؛لے∂ ٍي؛ çَé¾؛
لç∂ ¢لى؛ لç∂ ¾يٍَ ٍي؛ ٍùَ ∂؛ل∂ âََ¾


éƒ ََُ ∂َç'ٍ â؛ℓé؛ي؛ ٍيé¾ ¾ٍَےَ ٍَ â؛ ٍےُ؛,
ل¾ê ٍي؛ âℓéç∂ ىلç ي؛ ¾لù éٍ ٍََ!















HEY.


okay so.

I've been taking Japanese courses in school, and whenever they use Chinese characters it's called Kanji. I haven't...well...relearnt them in Jap, I don't know if the meanings are still retained. However I think they are though, after flicking through Bound Prince (HO HO NAUGHTRY CHRISTIE), I found something:













bound prince is the sex. i swear. kinbaku ouji ftw! :)
(and yay cumshots! :D)











OH MY GOD IT'S 3 DEGREES CELSIUS OH MY GOD
FREEZINGFREEZINGFREEZINGGAWD





























like ornaments


i only meant
















you know what? screw this. i have a list of wonderous fanfics to read and i don't need anything else. reality? fuck that.



and to top it all off: i have just found the most epic song in the universe, so suck on that, Karma, God, and whoever else is up there in the Pearlies. bitches.







Y O U A N D M E , B A B Y , A I N ' T N O T H I N G B U T M A M M A L S
S O L E T ' S D O I T L I K E T H E Y D O O N T H E D I S C O V E R Y C H A N N E L












credits to crazygirl :D

wake up to london lights because nothing matters anymore
and i don't think anything ever did.







Yeah. I'd rather sleep on top of the Big Ben than Chase Cars. both the same ideal, just different ways of acting upon it.


god, a part of me so wishes to be in some part feminist and enjoy blissful materialistic pleasures and just spend the whole day sinking in the city.



...i've been watching too many chick flicks, eh?



the time is 11:11 am.

'Do you know what someone is thinking about you now?'

'What?' she turned to him, confused, and he tapped the dashboard clock.

' 11:11 is when someone is thinking a fond thought of you. 4:44 is when someone is thinking a not-so-nice thing about you.'

'Is that so?' she smiled.

-multiple cheesy scenes ensue with the clock time 11:11 used in them somehow-


xDDD

I can still remember that scene in one of the Korean dramas I watched. ahh, good times.
those dramas were probably the only time I loved het. srsly now. Good plot? Then I don't care about the orientation of the characters. well, I DO, which is why I particularly loved Coffee Prince but still.

...COFFEE PRINCE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.












"...Tch. Those guys have been waiting for me...
..how many guards does that bitch have?




Ay! Since when is the Japanese police allowed such nice guns?
Come now, don't you want to know where we hide Takada? You can't possibly shoot at..."




-this is the part where Matt is, unfortunately, soundly beaten the crap out of-



D:


D'awwh.

There should be a CoD of Matt and Mello or Near and Mello in the Afterlife lols. that'd be interesting...













I think the weather's getting colder.


I can tell by the constant, mild shivering throughout my body. I pressed a hand against my stomach and jerked back from my icy self.

Seriously, Bella, I don't see what's so kinky about white, hard, cold popsicles. ugh. and I thought I had bad taste in men.

a cup of sugary yumness landed in front of me. I wondered why this particular brand insisted on calling itself caramel when it was obviously cookies and cream - why would they want to disguise such a holy brand of ice cream.


'Ice cream?' I smirked. 'In the morning?'

'Yup.'

'I like the way you think.'

drabble.list:



Rain [x]

Dictionary

...













ewww i just watched L's death like, three times. in a row. D': srsly NOT good for mental health. it still gets to me.









one week before
_______________________


my father was sitting on the living room floor with some contraption at his feet.

'What is that?' i laughed, walking towards him. he looked up for a moment, confused, and then broke into a smile. i sat in a similar fashion opposite him.

'guess.'

'um, a bomb?'

'it's my handbag,' he joked.

it was a colorful thing, and yes it did look a bit like a handbag. albeit a handbag that was yellow with a blue handle and red buttons. it was either The Training Bomb for Practicing Toddler Terrorists, or ... a handbag.

as it turned out, it was neither; instead some electrical mechcanical battery device. i laughed and left my father to his playthings, walking out of the room.










i stole one last, smiling glance tough.
_______________________________________________

you know, usually people don't reveal themselves much in real life, and then pour their heart out to the online world.

friends and strangers linked by wires all have pieces of your heart, some have a lot some have a few. together, sometimes they can perfectly piece together your self.


many have it like that. their outside self is a shell and their inside they glow like fireflies. caged fireflies, but fireflies all the same...




and I'm like, well well well! noi'mnotlikethat.


i find, online, my GOD but I am so caged...except for this blog. and judging by how...public...it...is...


let's say, perhaps one person has half my heart in their collection.

see how many people know me? see how few people know me?

so how i'm so caged?

I fear favoriting things on YT, even. it's gone to that absurd point. the fuck,...





i'm afraid for even strangers to see what i think. (maybe that's because behind a transluscent, shining facade that is the monitor, you can hurl countless insults and not fear retribution).




...but in real life...





it's as if real walking flesh means less to me, has less impact on me, than sitting imaginary friends and dustbunnies from, oh, outer space? from god knows where?


It's as if the real world, real people, mean less to me than the strangers and family online.

on the line.


maybe, that's to be expected somewhat...seeing how far i've come in this facade realm, how devoted i am to escapism, it's to be expected that the hands i can touch mean less to me than the ones i can't.



but when the blonde throws an insult my way, i just grin back. to me, at least, it seems like he's open doors and windows. he's twelve, he's shorter than me, he's got beautiful blue eyes. and he just called me something degatory.

how charming.


it's a different matter online, you know.
with what experience i have, even the pathetic epik phail online could very well be a 17 year old with a P.HD... how the hell would i know anything?

my god, but it's just so.

the worst of bullying bounces of me like skinny fullbacks in real life. in real life, I am a bitchy stuck up brat because, if you aren't going to be a bitchy stuck up brat in your childhood, then when?


in real life I am a lot more unglam than i am here.


in real life, I am myself. I decided not to hold back secrets and fuck, it's not as if I'm going to see my classmates years down the road anyway (although i fervently wishiwill), and besides. it's so comforting to be myself and watch the incredulous glares switch their crosshairs to my way.

it's just so fucking comforting.



you see, I actually shine externally. my shell glows. like a husk without a heart, this firefly is deformed. it kind of has a firefly-Down's-Syndrome. It works inside out. Outside it's a glowing star, inside it's hollow and dark. Maybe there is a heart inside all that darkness, however, the light switch just hasn't been found. or maybe it was born without a heart, for someone to help find it or for me to find myself, or for someone to give a portion of their heart to me.


but i digress.










so point is, I just am like this.









...Oh well. Just another time I fall off the bandwagon I never wanted to be on in the first place. good.
















imagine the scene. you've suddenly been too ambitious with your cup-swinging, and some leftover tea is spilled from yer cup...

so that's what happened and shite i was left with a brown splattering of circles on the floor.

now, the father was sitting in front of me, on a chair, using the computer, back turned to moi, oblivious.

and i was lyk, SHITE NEED TO CLEAN UP QUICK SHITE SHITE.

at the far wall, was a huge art block. after a bit of fumbling, i hit the inevitable genius conclusion and grabbed the drawing paper (SILENTLY, of course), and placed it over the smattered stains. covered it all.



i know, i know, i'm such a fucking genius. no autographs, please.

OH MY GOD HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

i be listening to

Quote

...the part where it starts, 'And you were right.' which, as anyone would know, is the beginning of the most saddening part of the song. and sobering.

'And now the old things will pass away.
I saw your light once, did you see mine?

But no, all the old things will pass away.
You turned your light off
so I turned mine
Away from your sickness, away from the nothing you feel for me.'

fucking poetry.

and you were right, right from the start.
it took everything you had,
but you finally broke my - ...

hey is anyone else having shit with blogger?
You know, font sizes going all wonky and behaving like disobedient pasta?
i had to manually figure out what was wrong with the codes and tinker with them. I pride myself on my genius but at the same time...srsly blogger. what the firetruck.





oh well.


2: You Know You're Screwed When




yeah, I forgot to add this bulletpoint in but I better do it now hehe.


a few days ago, I had an idea for an RxL...meme-type thing. And yes, I didn't pen it down until now. God, I am so forgetful.

You ever see those lists where it goes, 'You Know you Live in ____ (the eighties, the nineties, 2008/9) When...' and a bunch of funny scenarios come after?

Yeah, well have you ever seen, 'You Know You're a Screwed RxL Fan When...'


no? Never? Well never fear my fellow shippers. Keyinei will solve that problem.

L: 'baaahhh'

TaskMembers: -turkey noises-



psssssshhhh come on we all know L is a little lamb in wolf's clothing









or, alternatively, this post could be titled 'good ghandi almighty, sounds like hes being raped :p'. i will leave the author of the YouTube comment unknown, due to privacy and laziness and that you will get a cookie if you track down said comment.







or, alternatively, you could convince me to admit that i am tired at eight thirty?!?! pm and that is absolutely absurd but lethargy is making Christie 'spechially grumpy hmpppphhh ]8<







oh my god i'm watching Dnd: Poisoned's secret ending right now 8'D MY LIFE IS COMPLETE OKAY

my god
soooooo epic afdjklajkljdklfs -fangirlfoam-
(if i was a guy i'd have a boner right now haha)







ew i was supposed to rant about something today D': why do i keep forgetting
fine
let's do the bulletpoint thing again

1. boys [let me explain later xDDD]

2. school [or rather, holidays]

3. friends [or rather, lack of them]

4. FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I CAN'T REMEMBER T^T

5. -three-way-interview- [on wed]

kay, that's all. i should go finish up my pr0nz, then sleep ;D Goodbye my kittens!

After his death, nobody could ever find Raito within the building during a downpour.

It was as if storms were connected with his disappearance.

But just as soon as the clouds separated, he would be back. Sometimes wet, sometimes freshly changed.

He stayed out much, much longer when the storms were particularly fierce. When they were like on L's final day; wind forceful, droplets harsh and biting. The mist whipping around everything in sight, dragging its partner Memories along with it.

And then, one day, it stopped.

No more sudden absences and unexplained behavior. The other task force members could only speculate wildly, and speculate they did. Maybe he had let go, maybe he had given up, maybe he had given in. Maybe he had just outgrown all the things that he once loathed.

Or maybe he had just outgrown all the things that he once loved.

Eventually, the speculating stopped too, as everything and every heart stops eventually.

They never would know.















(sometimes you need to take a break from real life before the aftermath of elation attacks)
PS; should I leave it as 'After his death,' or change it to 'After L's death'?

God take me there, ♥






http://mrcool256.deviantart.com/art/This-Way-to-Heaven-122780301. mrcool lives up to his name; this picture does not belong to me.







...still. ow.)







mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm okay where to start? So many things. I will list down in bulletpoints what I have to blog, so I don't forget. It's what I often do.

1. Fanficccccccccccccccccccccccccs

2. CCountrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry

3. Writttttinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng

4. Schoooooooooooooooooooooool

5. Mooooooooooooooovieeeeeeee

6. and other stuff. honestly, why do I keep forgetting shit?

let's go with movies first. this is about a film I saw...on friday.












































2: Crosscountry. because I NEED to get this off my chest.

OHMYGODIT'S TOMORROW LIKE WTF?!

?!?!?!? WTF OH MY GOD PLEASE PLEASE


I CAN'T

I don't know what! I used to be able to run good. I pushed myself. IT WORKED. IT FREAKIN WORKED.

but...butthistime?! I don't know! I keep stopping and attempting to run again. I think it's because I've lost motivation.

I don't know....
ffffffffffffffs I AM NOT HAPPY







T__________T












( in extension writing, something very unexpected was asked of us. we had to take a Morro bar, open the wrapper, and JUST STARE AT IT.

SRSLY.

STARE AND SMELL.

STOP AND STARE.

AND.
NOT.
EAT. ఠ_ఠ


Omg that Whore!!one!!!eleventy!!!! xDDDDDD ahahaha it was like... the worst of cocoa deprivation. harsh.

then we had to write a poem about it.
srsly. wtf I love raroa ♥ )



















CurrentDrug;
Pianoman - Billy Joel,
Culling of the Fold - The Decemberists.









hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMM I just attempted to listen to Kanye West.
Couldn't take it anymore. opened up another song in the VLC player, lol.
/random






















« perhaps we all see in cheap contact lenses while the blessed see in kaldeosciope eyes and collect crystal shards of shattered rainbow glass, while live the world in 50% black and white?

but that is just a perhaps. »
and maybejustmaybe the ones with eyes so mysteriously beautifully wide and wonderful and colourful live in only a mess of black raven hair, white shirts and whiter skin, and old levis? maybe those black holes only conceal the tiny pond of rainbow blood and sacrifice underneath. and maybe that grey gravestone is there to hide the 'what could be', to add white, to add light to that hue of colors and complete it, to emcompass it- but it all just fell apart. and so the rainbow faded away, but rainbows do.

oh, but don't bring that up, the glaring blinding sun is here.
please, pleasedon'tbringthatup.












speaking of music:,



And I don't want the world to see me, because they'd take forever to understand.
When everything's made to be broken, I'd very much like you to just know who I am:
but how can that happen, when I don't even know...













SO YES.

TIME. TO MOVE ON... WITH THE YAOI! ( oh, how I love making a sobering post then ending with good ol' mansex. )



I have gone FF hunting for the longest time I remember...it's good to stretch my predatory hunting skills again.

Found some real gems of Mikalight. Forgot how wonderful this little twisted pairing was. Oh my god, I'm in love with it. ♥



now I know what it's like to be in a situation where sometimes, a little affair is needed to stick with your OTP. haha.


Thin Line


DOUBT the pairing? read this! :D


Screw presents under the tree. I want a fic in my honor instead.

Busted - one of the most chilling. i adore this, seriously. IT EVEN HAS MIKAMIxMATSU ♥


Go ahead, find your own diamonds. Or bloodstones. Or whatever. And be sure to check out Tales. I haven't finished reading all her stuff yet but...OH GOD. FLUFF. -tackleglomps-













umokayineedtogosleepnow. it's ten o clock.



tomorrow is crosscountry.




wish the stars are in my favor tonight and tomorrow, please.

The Boy in Striped Pajamas - Violet Hill.



DON'T ASK HOW I GOT THAT IDEA.



( I know it doesn't snow in Germany. SILENCE. )

...& hate god when they don't happen.






no, it's true! another big factor differentiating us from other living things is that, when we humans get onto the spiral of self-destruction, we are so freaking elated when things change for the better, it's a miracle no less, and suddenly all is right in the world for one short moment.

And when things don't change, we hiss and we cry and we say 'What the FUCK!!!! i don't bloody deserve this,' and then go crying to mommy..


(although in this case, remind me to stray away from my mother.)








that's life for you, eh? full of pricks (and dicks!) and miracles and failures.


psst what did you expect?




------






We're the pain that you feel

We're the scars that don’t heal

We're the tear in your eyes

We're the reason you cry


We're the voice in your head

We're the lies that you said

We're the blood in your veins

We're the beat of your heart


We're the sweat on your face

We're the ones that you chase

We're the promise that you made

We're the voice in your head

We're the lies that you said

We're the kids that you pushed away
We are...

We're the pride of your lives

We're the light shining deep in your eyes

We're the choice that you made

We're the smile on your face when you sleep at night

We're the best thing you had but you left us behind

We're the kids that you pushed away





---------------


there's a thing about me.

whenever i am struck by a great emotion - the highest height of worlds of fire, ice, lust, doubt, fear, worry, fustration, anger, happehness, anxiety (and I emphasize: ANXIETTYYYY), it hits me deep for a whileeeee....and then it dissipates.


seriously, now. it goes away: honing apathy is sometimes a valuable skill.

Example: I have lost my saxaphone neckstrap! If I go tomorrow and can't find it (I suspect I left it laying around or accidentally put it in the blonde girl's case), I will probably do nothing for the whole lesson. Sheeeeeeeeeyit.


...but now I more or less don't care, lol?


It's like: nah, it's a fifty fifty chance for either outcome, anyway! and also: So what if it takes the worst case scenario? I won't have to stick with the class for a whole year, will I? (shhh I do just don't tell me), and besides - it's not like it will CHANGE MY LIFE, or anything.








actually that's all wrong. it could very possibly change my life. fate is a tricky thing.
but all these soothing...sayings, are based on likelihood. so yeah, that is how I calm myself down and stop hyperventilating to death. It's more like a self-saving policy, a habit, an automatic gear change, a immediate reaction my mind takes, you know?



mmmm.

Generally I do my blogposts after dinner, it's how it's always been.

Ehhhh not good. After dinner I am luxurious, relaxed...perfect for MVediting and basically being a chillax potato. (and when I generally go, 'OMG I HAVE HOMEWORK!!!'). Besides, my memories are fresh right after I return home from school.

...But right after I return home from school is when my ideas are fresh too, and out come the pencils and vegas and movie editors...


you do the math :P


so yeah, all my good posts have been demolished by crap timing and crap exhaustion. Puberty makes you more tired, yes? Damn puberty.


yes so anyway let's get highlights out of the way.




A day (or two? my brain fails me when i am happy) ago, Ms H handed out maths sheets. Otago Problem Solving. They are the closest to SG kind of maths I've ever gotten. Simple, and I've done those kinds before but still a challenge to me, most-unfocused-person-in-the-world.

'Okay, I'll hand the sheets out. You'll know how much you scored because I've put the amount of stickers equal to your score. Only one person got 5/5.'

I started clapping half-nonchalantly, at whomsoever it was.

I got back my paper, and I was 'Oh yay stickersssss - '

Caitlin: "Wow you've got 5/5 (!)"

...wow, really? was my response.


bahahaha I was clapping for myself xDDDD












also, I've been thinking.

I love my friends, they're beautiful.

but I keep thinking: I rely on them so, so much

and they must think of me:

they must think of me, the flaky Christie.

I'm the one never here. Sure I'm the Online Diety, i'm never offline only appearing to:
but I'm so far away from reality.




I reach for my friends, and I know I'll find them.

But if they reach for me...? surely, they will jump for joy when their fingers touch something because I think, as time grows: I'm slowly but surely fading away.

When will come the day when someone I love reaches for me...and I'm not there?

Ply her heart with gold and silver
And take your sweetheart down to the river

Dash her on the paving stones
It may break your heart
To break her bones
But someone's got to do, the culling of the fold. ♥ ~

next, today was assembly day. there was a piano performance. well, two actually, but the first one (sorry gal) paled horribly in comparison to the second.

psst we were all clapping before the boy even made his way up on stage xDD he was from our class, after all.


he played Pianoman, by billy joel. not only did he play, he did harmonicas. he even freaking sang.

He says, son, can you play me a memory?
I'm not really sure how it goes...
But it's sad and its sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes.

I freaking fell in love.


That song is my drug now. and trust me if you look at my past list of medications, it has to be a damn good chemical to stay in my bloodstream



i love this song. it is my drug. thank you Jono. this song is my thunder, it is the soundtrack of my summer. ♥







PS/ tomorrow is Music Appreciation. My turn, I'm playin Time is Running Out by Muse ;D I'll torture my classmates to LxLight while I'm at it. Oh, the simple pleasures of life.

Congratttttttttulations dear, you like All at Once by The Fray. You automatically WIN in my book :3



...AND 3DG.


damnit damnit damnit. i've already revived nearly (non-existent!) contact with one of my cousins, it's not that hard to do another.



urrrrrrrrghgoogablahfkdlajfkldsjls.


















xDDDDD















. Love does means more when it is given in spite of some things.












All I ask for in this imperfect world....Is for my name to be Imperfect.

Francis, the protagonist (albeit two timing, promiscuous protagonist xDD) of the movie Felidae. I like him. I've been thinking of turning it into a comic. :D Just some rough proportional sketches.




haha so yeah, one day I set out to draw the wackiest DN pairings ever...MelloxNear was one I came up with :P I might try that out. seems ... fun.

and yes matt, sweeter than cigarettes. ♥





jeevas is a border collie
near a poodle crossbreed

a little cavity-inducing, adorable LxR canine sketch I did a while ago :) 'warmth.




























second wackiest pairing installment! And it has BB !!♥♥♥!!


BBxR has become my (not so?) new freaking fucking fantastic fetish.

it's kinky beyond belief. it's KINKAJOUTIC. ღ


did this sketch today & yesterday, I think. I love the pose. and the fact that BB is bargaining his way into Raito's pants...er, fur. DUUR HURRR 8D





bruises and bitemarks say:
a drawing I did a long while ago...perhaps half a year. i was feeling pissy, but of course the mood dissipated soon after I set pen to paper. but i kept going cuz I wanted to make a good pic.

the fact that i used the word 'cuz' which I loathe is an indication of how tired I am. Ugggggggggh.


let's kill the night and go down in style;












Titled Red; because it's quite inspired by Fugue's (brilliant) chapter, titled respectively.




um yay a a random crap panda. no references (well duh).

and here are my Unfinished sketches; I suggest you don't look until they're complete in all their glory but meh :P I couldn't resist putting them up!

Coex drabsket, I seem to be doing this with every chapter, in sch with Hana's notepad. x3 I could make a DJ about it, unintentionally, just with my messy drawls haha.




chapter 2, the 'bitch' scene. do not read if you do not like spoilers! or bitch jokes. haha xD




chapter 3, the ... uh... 'incubus' scene? ;D


I ADORE L in the first panel. I don't know how it came out so fucking well. The hand especially. And his messy, just - shagged raven hair. Adfaskljflsjlk LOVE

okay, that's all. took me a while, heh. Enjoy. ♥ and goodnight.

major -headdesk-.



and those two words describe my life right now. Facepalm doesn't cover half of it.





oh, and did you know FF.net is a girl's best refuge, too?














:'D

No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.

It's your turn, so take a seat: we're settling the final score.

And why
do we like
to hurt
so much?



-------------


Okay, in hindsight the saxaphone is a beautiful instrument, fine fine fine x3

and in hindsight, Paramore is an awesome band.



(and no, that is not just based on my opinion that the song could be put to a sextastic RxL vid...*coughcough* )


I have to go to Aunt Soon's place now. I would blog, but I am feeling unmotivated and apathetic about many things right now: My AMVing, especially. Can't bring myself to be patient right now. I've used up all my quota for meticulousity. Dx



bye for now!



-------------------------


-is back-


sigh,
as I said, I need a friend.

and some chocolate.
and some yaoi.


:/

that's what you get - paramore

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.

She exhaled silently, lowly, pressed a sweat-soaked-from-drawing hand to her temples and closed her eyes shut.


'I need a friend,' she told the saturated, empty air.


'No - I need a stranger.


I need a blank slate to claw. You know how cats use scratching posts to declaw themselves?

That's right.



And that's right, we all need.'

“L...Ryuzaki...Lawliet...”

He whispered softly to himself, running his hand over the carpet fibers where L's feet had once been, where his pants once laid, thrown off in the rush of two passionate males. Light looked up to the bed where their lips first met in an accidental fall over which had started it all. The kiss led to another, which led to a make out, which led to a hand job, which led to a suck, which led to a fuck, which led to a night sleeping together, the curve of their bodies like two perfect circles entwined.



Light pushed himself up and managed to crawl onto the bed, where he hugged a pillow close to him, as close as Ryuzaki had once been. No, not L. Not Ryuuzaki. Lawliet. One lonesome tear found it's way down his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut, Lawliet's voice replaying in his head. Hello Light-kun. I need to ask you a few questions, is that alright?. His nice voice, fitting for his figure, the way he always slumped.







He seemed perfect to Light.

new project: The End Where I Begin (WMM)


Now I'm alive
and my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along



What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong

Mom, I'm so sorry.

I fucking love you.

I would die for you.

Because you don't deserve to die for me.

I think you love me, and I'm not sure about that.

about what you should do.

For a moment there I started to have hope again, that I could somehow let you die happy.

Somehow let you die without the knowledge that the little girl who had everything - your little girl who had everything - became the little girl that threw everything away.

And now I'm left without hope again.

I love you.

But I don't think that's enough.























please, please have hope in me. and please, please either learn to drop that hope before you drop dead, or ignore me, or pray to the heavens above that someone, anyone please help me.



i want to make you happy

but hope is so much harder to find than the three words i've hardly ever said to you.








































I'm sorry.

please




























my mother came in today (just now) and said to me, 'Christie, I'm utterly disappointed in you.'

All I could do was scream, what the fuck took you so long?









she told me, "I'm sorry, but that isn't the real world you know."

And then I had the most utterly amusing thought, I'm sorry, but I don't live in the real world, you know.








after that I lay in my closet alone with the fallen fabric and cried for a while.















i don't know what to do anymore
art can only vent out sorrow, not self-loathing












i need help



















i need someone, anyone.

I am so high. I can hear heaven.
No but heaven, oh, heaven don't hear me.

I stand up and think, yes, maybe it's not too late,

now if you'll excuse me, I have a few phone calls to make.

ughhh fuck.

I had a wonderful post for today because today was a wonderful day but damn -
all those long hours have gotten to my brain.

No CoIB reading for me today, it seems. a chapter of Fugue, maybe.








Extension Writing today was to write an article of whatever our choice, to be published in the yearbook.


I chose poetry.


It's come out well, six stanzas. Once I start it's kind of hard to stop :P but I drawl on too much. It's AABB rhyme, but I'm trying not to be TOO strict to myself because that'd come out corny; cheesy haha.




-------------------------




P/S;

'I hate irresponsible, arrogant, think-they-are-soooo-awesome people.'

oooh shit 8D You're gonna hate me.


------------------

























Your subtlety, it strangles me




things i don't want to need at all


















maybe it's best we leave things alone.

Another sugar cube. 'and so the lion fell in the love with the lamb...'

Raito sighed.'what a stupid lamb.'

'and what a sick, masochistic lion.'

what? Oh, did I just ruin Twilight for you? Oh, I'm SO SORRY.
NOT.

OMFG!

I just had an awesome idea :'D


A MEGA AMV TO RENT - LA VIE BOHEME!


or ANIMATION


OR BOTH


EPICEPICEPIC.

Okay, I really can't help it, I'm not done:

Lulling his head in L’s direction, Raito stared at him tiredly through the fall of his bangs and prematurely made an attempt at coherency that went along the lines of, “Good god.”

L, who was currently looking up at the ceiling, flicked his eyes over to him and got that amused look on his face. “I think I lost some IQ points.” He drawled and rubbed his head like those supposed IQ points would be there. “I’ll have to ask Raito-kun to give them back now.”

Raito smirked at that. “What makes you think I took them?”

L shifted on his side, pillowing his head on an arm and practically cuddling into the mattress below. “I have a strong suspicion that Raito-kun is a succubus,” he said out of nowhere and stared boldly at him.

Raito might be punched from the overwhelming sex, but it would be a rainy day in the Shinigami realm when he let L get away with that one. “An incubus, you mean?”

“I forgot which is which,” L told him and closed his eyes. “Those lost IQ points are really starting to get to me.”

Raito would have rolled his eyes if he had the energy.

“But its okay,” L continued on, “tomorrow I’ll just have to ask Raito-kun what he is,” and then, when it almost seemed like he was finished, L peeked one of his eyes open.

“Are you going to blame me for something else now?” Raito gave him a look that dared him to try.

“No, I was just going to wish Raito-kun a good night.”

I couldn't help ittttttttttt, that moment was just too precious. -fangirl squeal-

actually, NOT fin. there's one more thing I MUST absolutely add.

L looked amused for a second before he said, “If Raito-kun is finished playing psychology major, could he lift his hips a little?”

ok i'm done now 83 -giggles and scrams-

"Oh, so now you're trying to bargain your way into my pants?" snarked Raito sarcastically.

amusing.

sighhhh I let out a fangirl squeal when I heard that there would be a lemon in this chapter :) Coexistence is Boredom moves at a rather surprising, rapid pace, but that's a good thing in hindsight.

New addiction now. It'd be kinda dangerous to start True Elison or Poison Apple now, LOL xDD



I realize I'm coming off very depressed and emo-y in my blog. this is not the case. i am kept happy by a mix of yaoi, a recent infusion of chocolate (the endless, bountiful supply is only hindered by my common sense: I could get diabetes if I continue like this), and occasional endorphin-inducing convos with my friends, AND AMVing and mostly, my fucktarded, blissful imagination. My happiness, mental health and all are kept intact by these fragile things. fragile, but i have them, and i latch to them like leeches.


not wise.


but it floats my boat.











♥--here are the pictures of you:




I went to Aunt Soon's place today. Entering her home was immediately a comfortable experience; the smell was different but still distinctly nostalgic. I wonder how she recreates such a homely feel when she's so far from home?

I wonder how, when she makes me enter the house, she makes me forget I'm New Zealand but instead, let's say, at my grandparents' house?

It's lives like these I watch with purebreed fascination.

It's people like these whom I admire and are awestruck by, those who have no other care in the world than taking care of their elderly husband, making sure the cat doesn't drop a ginger into the soup from it's precarious perch on the counter, and "goddamint young'un, stop throwing the sticks into the fire! they burn out so fast; see here use the newspaper..." (obviously, that's been translated.)


Ah, these lives are belonging to those who's been blessed (or perhaps have cultivated) a sense of belonging in this world, they have centered and ground themselves - but they haven't grounded themselves in reality, no!

Their roots lie in material (at least for the most part) idealisms.

What is Aunt Soon without her gardening and cooking and comfy fireplace and restful armchair?


Nothing. That is my point exactly.


They have the ability to find life in that sofa by the corner, that flowerpot lying on the porch, that quiet inferno in the bloodred brickwork. They are the grands.




They have the ability to look out the window and only see the cinema next door in which they will go to tomorrow with their teenager girlfriends, and start fretting blissfully on whether they should wear the tank top or the spaghetti strap. They are the london tiptons.



But all I see, is the wonderful outspread of Tokyo and New York, and London, and Singapore, and Naples. Dear god, Naples.

All in one.
That is all I see.
I see the beauty that man most certainly create. All man created was cement and blocks. Cement blocks.
No, my our eyes created this beauty.
So it is ours.



But it is not mine in the same way that it is london tipton's. all she sees and all she can experience is blissful materialism. this is not bad - if I could feel jealousy, I'd be pretty damn envious right now.


I imagined those fantasy nights, at one in the morning, at city of my choice (NYC is top pick right now), lying sprawled on the lime green couch, with House M.D playing on the recorded tape, in a large 20th floor apartment (which is incidentally the same height as my age), dressed in...anything, really, and every piece of furniture around me would shine like glass. except the couch. the couch would look like a cloud. albeit a cloud colored like sick, but a fluffy cloud.





however, i will never be that person. i will never take too much bliss in materials, because i am to painfully scarred by reality to. i will forever be antevasin - i will float between the dark dream abyss, and the reality i've been chained to by damned memories.








i am at peace with this decision.
(which really isn't a decision at all, so all the more reason to accept it, ne?)

[midday delusions ♥]

I realize I'm completely alone.
And I think I have been, all my life - but, well, I was so surrounded by familiar faces in Singapore, I never realized it.

Now that is telling.

I suppose the five hour damned time difference has done something...it has shown me how isolated I am.


Sri may be the only exception to this. I love her; and I'm so sorry I let her go.
I'm so sorry I regret the right thing.



---

Part 3 *ahem* : Music do, music do. ♫










LIKE A SUPERMASSIVE BLA¢K HOLE, ♣♥











glaciers melting in the dead of night,

↑ ↑ нανє .υ. g๏т .у๏υя.
- ρ я є ѕ ¢ я ι ρ т ι ๏ η - ƒιℓℓє∂ ؟

& the supersonic sucked into the supermassive



•---------

confess to me, every secret moment, every stolen promise you believed
confess to me, all the lies between us, all the lies between you and me.

let me have one more fangirl moment:


I thought I was a fool for no one; but ooh baby I'm a fool for you ღ

(what if i wanted to break?

you said you wanted more.
what the fuck are you waiting for?)

it's been a while, but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you -

we are the boxers in the ring,
we are the bells that never sing,
there is a title we can't win, no matter how hard we might swing. ♥•

-FIN-

I hate Chinese.

I despise the language and never want to go near it again.




( i took one look at my workbook, attempted it and promptly started to cry with frustration. fuck.)

you know it lives to break me.

i would say
that I hate/despised radios,
but then Nickelback came on.

Not my favorite band.

but I can't say this isn't one of my favorite songs:

someone once told me, that Love would all save us.

but how can that be?

when look what Love gave us

all the killing

and bloodspilling



that world never came.

and yes, I nearly started to cry.

& now that the world isn't ending,

it's love that i'm sending to you.

it isn't the love of a hero, and that's why I fear it won't do ♥...

right, I am going to slap some bones on another argument now.

arguments.


1. that I am an indecisive brat. I will not conceal this fact.

2. That I love my parents and I set this down for my law of all things willing and wanting to exist, and so I will follow it, fuck it, to the day I cease to exist.



And I have no bones to slap on to that argument because they are already there. Now all I need is a chiropractor to sturdy the spine.



Nuff said.












the world isn't ending and therefore there is a reason to love and live.