"Oh, so now you're trying to bargain your way into my pants?" snarked Raito sarcastically.

amusing.

sighhhh I let out a fangirl squeal when I heard that there would be a lemon in this chapter :) Coexistence is Boredom moves at a rather surprising, rapid pace, but that's a good thing in hindsight.

New addiction now. It'd be kinda dangerous to start True Elison or Poison Apple now, LOL xDD



I realize I'm coming off very depressed and emo-y in my blog. this is not the case. i am kept happy by a mix of yaoi, a recent infusion of chocolate (the endless, bountiful supply is only hindered by my common sense: I could get diabetes if I continue like this), and occasional endorphin-inducing convos with my friends, AND AMVing and mostly, my fucktarded, blissful imagination. My happiness, mental health and all are kept intact by these fragile things. fragile, but i have them, and i latch to them like leeches.


not wise.


but it floats my boat.











♥--here are the pictures of you:




I went to Aunt Soon's place today. Entering her home was immediately a comfortable experience; the smell was different but still distinctly nostalgic. I wonder how she recreates such a homely feel when she's so far from home?

I wonder how, when she makes me enter the house, she makes me forget I'm New Zealand but instead, let's say, at my grandparents' house?

It's lives like these I watch with purebreed fascination.

It's people like these whom I admire and are awestruck by, those who have no other care in the world than taking care of their elderly husband, making sure the cat doesn't drop a ginger into the soup from it's precarious perch on the counter, and "goddamint young'un, stop throwing the sticks into the fire! they burn out so fast; see here use the newspaper..." (obviously, that's been translated.)


Ah, these lives are belonging to those who's been blessed (or perhaps have cultivated) a sense of belonging in this world, they have centered and ground themselves - but they haven't grounded themselves in reality, no!

Their roots lie in material (at least for the most part) idealisms.

What is Aunt Soon without her gardening and cooking and comfy fireplace and restful armchair?


Nothing. That is my point exactly.


They have the ability to find life in that sofa by the corner, that flowerpot lying on the porch, that quiet inferno in the bloodred brickwork. They are the grands.




They have the ability to look out the window and only see the cinema next door in which they will go to tomorrow with their teenager girlfriends, and start fretting blissfully on whether they should wear the tank top or the spaghetti strap. They are the london tiptons.



But all I see, is the wonderful outspread of Tokyo and New York, and London, and Singapore, and Naples. Dear god, Naples.

All in one.
That is all I see.
I see the beauty that man most certainly create. All man created was cement and blocks. Cement blocks.
No, my our eyes created this beauty.
So it is ours.



But it is not mine in the same way that it is london tipton's. all she sees and all she can experience is blissful materialism. this is not bad - if I could feel jealousy, I'd be pretty damn envious right now.


I imagined those fantasy nights, at one in the morning, at city of my choice (NYC is top pick right now), lying sprawled on the lime green couch, with House M.D playing on the recorded tape, in a large 20th floor apartment (which is incidentally the same height as my age), dressed in...anything, really, and every piece of furniture around me would shine like glass. except the couch. the couch would look like a cloud. albeit a cloud colored like sick, but a fluffy cloud.





however, i will never be that person. i will never take too much bliss in materials, because i am to painfully scarred by reality to. i will forever be antevasin - i will float between the dark dream abyss, and the reality i've been chained to by damned memories.








i am at peace with this decision.
(which really isn't a decision at all, so all the more reason to accept it, ne?)

[midday delusions ♥]

I realize I'm completely alone.
And I think I have been, all my life - but, well, I was so surrounded by familiar faces in Singapore, I never realized it.

Now that is telling.

I suppose the five hour damned time difference has done something...it has shown me how isolated I am.


Sri may be the only exception to this. I love her; and I'm so sorry I let her go.
I'm so sorry I regret the right thing.



---

Part 3 *ahem* : Music do, music do. ♫










LIKE A SUPERMASSIVE BLA¢K HOLE, ♣♥











glaciers melting in the dead of night,

↑ ↑ нανє .υ. g๏т .у๏υя.
- ρ я є ѕ ¢ я ι ρ т ι ๏ η - ƒιℓℓє∂ ؟

& the supersonic sucked into the supermassive



•---------

confess to me, every secret moment, every stolen promise you believed
confess to me, all the lies between us, all the lies between you and me.

let me have one more fangirl moment:


I thought I was a fool for no one; but ooh baby I'm a fool for you ღ

(what if i wanted to break?

you said you wanted more.
what the fuck are you waiting for?)

it's been a while, but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you -

we are the boxers in the ring,
we are the bells that never sing,
there is a title we can't win, no matter how hard we might swing. ♥•

-FIN-