...& hate god when they don't happen.






no, it's true! another big factor differentiating us from other living things is that, when we humans get onto the spiral of self-destruction, we are so freaking elated when things change for the better, it's a miracle no less, and suddenly all is right in the world for one short moment.

And when things don't change, we hiss and we cry and we say 'What the FUCK!!!! i don't bloody deserve this,' and then go crying to mommy..


(although in this case, remind me to stray away from my mother.)








that's life for you, eh? full of pricks (and dicks!) and miracles and failures.


psst what did you expect?




------






We're the pain that you feel

We're the scars that don’t heal

We're the tear in your eyes

We're the reason you cry


We're the voice in your head

We're the lies that you said

We're the blood in your veins

We're the beat of your heart


We're the sweat on your face

We're the ones that you chase

We're the promise that you made

We're the voice in your head

We're the lies that you said

We're the kids that you pushed away
We are...

We're the pride of your lives

We're the light shining deep in your eyes

We're the choice that you made

We're the smile on your face when you sleep at night

We're the best thing you had but you left us behind

We're the kids that you pushed away





---------------


there's a thing about me.

whenever i am struck by a great emotion - the highest height of worlds of fire, ice, lust, doubt, fear, worry, fustration, anger, happehness, anxiety (and I emphasize: ANXIETTYYYY), it hits me deep for a whileeeee....and then it dissipates.


seriously, now. it goes away: honing apathy is sometimes a valuable skill.

Example: I have lost my saxaphone neckstrap! If I go tomorrow and can't find it (I suspect I left it laying around or accidentally put it in the blonde girl's case), I will probably do nothing for the whole lesson. Sheeeeeeeeeyit.


...but now I more or less don't care, lol?


It's like: nah, it's a fifty fifty chance for either outcome, anyway! and also: So what if it takes the worst case scenario? I won't have to stick with the class for a whole year, will I? (shhh I do just don't tell me), and besides - it's not like it will CHANGE MY LIFE, or anything.








actually that's all wrong. it could very possibly change my life. fate is a tricky thing.
but all these soothing...sayings, are based on likelihood. so yeah, that is how I calm myself down and stop hyperventilating to death. It's more like a self-saving policy, a habit, an automatic gear change, a immediate reaction my mind takes, you know?



mmmm.