Love knew no color, race, gender, religion nor other pathetic human boundaries, love knew no beliefs nor logical divides, love knew not universes or worlds or even death.

And love didn't seem to know when to stop, either.
Thud, and the body hit the floor with a sickening snap. But Raito knew those bones always creaked and he liked to imagine them breaking for once, under his grasp, but he knew that this damned creature could never be broken.

He straddled L's waist from behind, bent down and hissed into ebony locks, 'You never know when to stop, do you?'

He was promptly flipped over by white hands, hoisted up and rammed into a shelf with no little force.

'Why yes,' mused the voice, lethal and low. 'I actually do know, for your information. 'Never.'



Raito always bit at L's neck like a starved feline; as if trying to rip his throat out. He kissed aggressively and clutched him close like he was a lifeline. And yet, L could squirm all he want under the brunette's reckless pawing, but it was the detective himself who incited shivers and gasps and silently mouthed confessions and accusations, all with just a feathery touch of the fingers or lips. L was insistent and demanding and stubborn and a tomcat in bed, but if there was ever one thing Raito would always remember him for...

...L was achingly gentle.

And every agonizing sweet nothing whispered in his ear was perhaps as painful as the clock counting down their time together.

Raito pried L's head away from the nest he'd made of the teen's chest, and stared at him with a look that was half adoration, half incredulous.

'...You...'

'Never know when to stop?'

L's eyes glazed over for the first time that night, and uncertainty clouded the black irises. And Raito saw that L wasn't sure of anything, anymore.

'No,' he said so quietly, and dipped his head. 'I don't know.'

Tight arms in a sudden, warm embrace and 'yes, yes you do.

'Never.'

Though instead of a statement, it was a beg more than anything else.

;BOOM BOOM POW-

mmkay I'm back, and technically I've become sicker (I'm coughing up mucus now), but I feel a substantial amount better, ironically.

And to thank for this better sense of well-being, I have to thank Matchbox 20 for their song 'How Far We've Come', and *Redustrial's epic cosplay photos, and my array of music tunes, and my Sony Vegas and WMM for providing me some escape into happehness :)


I've just moved into a new house, by the way. at Kaiwharawhara, [pronounced: kai - fara - fara ].
So we're within the School Zone of Wellington Girls', the college I'm going to next year.


Yesterday, when we first moved in, the things were all over the place and we had to move lots of stuff. And yeah. We were moving the piano, with my mother nagging incessantly because 'Nooo no no! You're blocking the power cord AIYAH Not so far in! More to the left, to the left...'

My father was behind me, pushing the piano on it's merry way, and we were both rather annoyed and he muttered in my ear, 'zi bai...'

I turned to him, wide eyed, and then I used my shirt to cover my mouth and coughed like fuck, trying not to laugh, trying SO HARD not to laugh, and he grinned at me oh god LOL.

For that entire morning, me and my father had spent the whole morning in the new house, and oh god I forgot how much I loved his company. Alone, we get on damn well I swear, companionable, and I fail to see how he enjoys having me around actually. He's starting all the conversations, me just nodding along and laughing because he's funny. I'm probably like a damn sucky conversation partner to him, but I enjoy his company so, so much.

I used to think, in quiet moments, that my father was the kind of man I want to marry.




It was really strangely blissful, those few hours. When he got the stereo working, I walked/skipped up the stairs, agreeing wholeheartedly with the cherry beat of the oldies song.


'I guess the Lord must be in New York City...'











♥











But I would also like to vraent about another theory today, something that has just started nagging at me cos' I be curioussss:

how much does the 'Opposites Attract' theory really fare up?

"Well, if they're truly in love; they would both overlook each others' differences."

I respect that logic, for I used to uphold it once, but...it doesn't make sense that Opposites Attract, in that case. If you're overlooking something, then you can't be attracted it by it.

"it doesn't matter."

But if you're attracted to something; yes it does matter,

"Nobody wants to be bored, and if they can find everything they're not in a person, then wouldn't it make sense...?"

No, it would most certainly not make sense.

But it could work.


But that is to say, falling in love with the demon that's supposed to test your faith and break it (and that's simply the best way I can put it), doesn't quite seem politically correct, does it?

It doesn't make sense, but I believe it works. yeah, i'm rambling...


It would and could make sense, however, to pair up with someone who believes the same thing you do. It would undoubtedly give you a sense of connection and belonging.

But connection and belonging is not the same as burning passion and magnetic need, and you can only have one without the other, and the question is which one is the stuff that love's made out of, or how they would fare in the long run, and which is the type for you, which is the type for me...?



ugh god.
i'm rather confused right now.


Now, what sparked all this varenting is that I found a LxLight anti stamp, and I clicked on it, because I actually pretty happy right then, and I felt like some masochistic pleasure...

...until I forgot that I wasn't a masochist.

See, a year or two ago, anything that went against my ... beliefs, for the lack of the better word, would just haunt my mind or something. Imagine the devil crawling into your ear and whispering sweet nothings that make you go mad, because humans are weak. And proof of our weakness is how easily we fall in and out of religion.

So after reading some not very nice comments and blah, I wasn't feeling so good, but eventually it all wore away.

Hurtful comments do hurt me, because I'm human, but they wear off really quickly afterwards.

Thing is...I have companions who are, to me, the antithesis of common sense, they stand for everything that annoy me, and all they believe in and all they do not believe in disagree with me. They're like...the opposite me.


And what makes me the most incredulous is that I actually love their guts.






I'm starting to think that love's not worth the trouble.
When I'm sick and down like a dog, like this, I can't imagine anyone loving this...thing. I admit, I think I'm awesome, and I love my own guts, but I love me for who I am.

And who I am is like a jewel to myself, to the outside world, even if they were to truly know who I was...

...if anyone out there knew my deepest darkest secrets, knew every inch of my self,

I can't possibly fathom a being that would want to love all that, opposite or reflection or not.


Yes.
I'm arrogant enough to believe that I'm the only one capable of loving myself, and believe it or not at one point in my life I imagined selfcest as the only pairing that could work with me.



but please...prove me wrong.
all the other times I've stood corrected was always for my own good, anyway...














Everybody gets high

Everybody gets low

Everybody gets bruised

Everybody gets sold

Everybody gets dark

Everybody unfolds











(OH GOD BY THE WAY I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
When I breathe out, as in, exhale greatly or yawn, I see white smoke come out of my mouth. Seriously. White. And smoke, not some half-assed mist. S M O K E. oh god lawl wtf.)

ohhhhfuck I'm getting sicker by the day...After I came home on Friday I started feeling nauseous, and then saturday and sunday throughout I was ill, and Monday is the worst: I'm truly feeling the brunt of influenza. Fucking fuck fuck. If this is swine flu...Ha God that would be such morbid irony.

BYTHEWAY Bythewayby. the. way:


I just had an idea for an AU fic 8D

DN, yes, and the plot is something like this:
Kira needs a name and a face to kill, right?
But what if a rebellion is started, that cannot be wiped out -
for the leader was never given a name?



Oh, yes. I don't know how likely it is for a random orphan to be thrown out once he emerged from the womb, with no name, no papers on him - merely a lowly dog surrendered to whatever fate decides to chuck at him. Believe it or not, one life matters very little to the world or the people inhabiting it.


BUT WHAT IF.

somehow he grows up.
and of course he would be given a name, or at least a nickname, but what if he's such a traveling soldier and so cast in the shady underground business, that, for business and self-survival purposes...He never really stuck with a name? There's no one word that will garner his attention if called. Likely, maybe not, but it sounds like a good plot to me.


Which means that my OC, mister no-name, will be...virtually IMMORTAL!if he decides to take good care of his health and not run out in front of any speeding trucks. 8D cos' no dumb heart attack will kill him, and what are the odds of a supernatural, rare death.

AND he will have to make sure that he doesn't stick with a name either, after being contacted by L to work for him after being thrown in a holding cell of a jail after confuddling the officers with his lack of name after being framed for theft. Not sticking with a name unconsciously will be a tough task, though. He has never had a need for it on the run, but our dear little rouge here will have to battle his urges to respond to whatever temporary name he keeps while he's in the employment of Rue Ryuuzaki.

fun.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same















Mom just walked into the room. Handed me a fruit.

'Poisoned Apple,' she said gleefully.

I stared at the retreating figure.

After her words had registered, I stared at my apple.

A minute later, then: 'Holy fuck on a stick.'

You know something?... Lenzarious would be majorly awesome to have on any debate team. He argues like a pro.

Well, a pro bastard, that is. XD

Oh, I find boredom becoming a main staple of thy diet.

I just watched Michael Jackson dance on the television.

I have never seen anything better.

Sigh.

Why do I always become fans of dead people?


Anyway I'm eating nice cold gravy and fixed my Photoshop: Pen Pressure Problem and is starting a DN + TLK Trailer and found my pencilbox and so life is looking a little less bleaker.





By the way, I just realized it's so easy to cast Kira. Just find a character that's a prissy, pompous prick. haha.

(-&whenyou

Turn Around
and say
'what's that sound?'

it's my





it's getting much stronger my





I'm feeling awful...Awfully sick; first I felt somewhat nauseated because menstruation might have depleted the blood flow to my brain...


so now, to cure my boredom and my un-well ness, I decided to try out everything: Editing, Music, Movies, Fics, Chatting...but none of my hobbies seemed to work this time, so I shall resort to the most neglected of my pastimes, the only one that can ultimately make me feel happy. It puts me in my essence. Ah, drawing. What would I do without you?







(it's stronger than ever before

There was snow.


[white snow...]

priests clutched onto вibles

Hollowed out to fit their rifles

Became God

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Hello my kittens!
Yes, yes I just used the endearment kittens on you. What? Don't look so offended! Kittens is a compliment.


But I digress. I probably lost the drive to talk about what I was supposed to talk about during my shower. Oh well.



Beliefs and balance. Beliefs can be loosely translated also into the word Devotion, which would give you Devotion and Balance: the two virtues Elizabeth went a-hunting for in Eat, Pray, Love. The first virtue being Pleasure...I've probably got too much of, and let's stray away from Pleasure also because that word instigates many fetishy memories in me, eh? xD And it doesn't help that I'm listening to Bounce - The Cab right now.

So anyway. Devotion and Balance.

It's about time I had a post a bit more...substantial.

This is a vent, or maybe a rant. It's borderline both, so let us call it a vrαєnt.

ok! So let's start vrαєnting.




▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬



Beliefs, I prefer that word over a religion a lot. Religion is a wonderful word in itself for metaphors, dramatic alliterations and comparisons and personifications and kamifications. Religion is perfect for all matter of descriptions and arrows and shields.

Which is why I prefer beliefs.

Religion inquires with fake, cool politeness, 'Which God(s) do you believe in?'
Belief looks at you curiously, and squawks, 'Who do you follow, if at all?'

To Religion I promptly bitchslap, to Belief I answer with a smile, 'That's what I wanna know.'

Because belief is derived from the word believe.

And believing in something, anything, someone, anyone, is beautiful, not matter how misguided, because it's misguided, beautiful.









Speaking of beliefs, I've half a mind to join Buddhism. And that's basically what I wanna talk about.

Now I know it sounds absolutely disdainful to want to join a belief that I know so little about. I don't know the fundamentals, I don't know what Buddha himself means to the followers. I don't know his backstory, and nearly nothing of his teachings.

But I always liked it, somewhere in my mind.


I liked it's so accepting vibe that it gave out. How it wasn't like Tyrantnosaur Christianity.

No bullshit like 'I'm going to place you two in a heavenly garden, where you shall come up with the phrase 'Heaven on Earth.' And I just hope that you won't go and fuck up & eat that apple and - OH NO U DIDNT'


No crap like, 'FUCK YOU ALL! You're all nasty except for Noah. So you'll all drown except him and the animals and...Oh, you know what, that was a bad, reckless decision. I'll never do that again."


I don't know how I even fell into that religion, that regime now. What kind of retard would chuck two people into paradise, ignorant, clueless, naive and unknowing, and expect it to stay that way. To want it stay that way. God, you make it sound like we stole free will from You in the form of a (poisoned...) apple, instead of You rightfully bestowing it upon us. The fuck?

And I hereby rightfully apologize, Christian dudes, because I'm way out of line here. But honestly, I'm rather peeved off right now. Christianity has crossed the border with me and become annoying to thou, so deal with it bitches.

Also, Christianity chucks crap at you like, 'Here are ten rules. Doesn't matter that ever since you ate that fruit, these laws will mean nothing to the desperate, doesn't matter that every time a mother uses these against their son it's merely a guilt trip. Doesn't matter that even doing this makes no sense, because everyone already knows this.

I just think that because I am an all-powerful being, if I repeat this over and over and over again, it'll have some impact so BOOYAH!'

fail.


I could go on, but that is past the point. I'm sure Buddha would not approve of this ranting, lol. Truth is, I'm not angry in the least, but gawd the path of Jesus makes no sense sometimes. It's as if, somehow, as intelligent(?) as we are, we've managed to pull a blindfold over ourselves and embark on the winding, crazy path of batshit lies.

ugh. -.0


but back to the point, Buddhism seems so much more different. It's like...

Buddhism is like following the light.

Christianity is like moths fluttering to a fluorescent bulb and consequently getting fried in the process.

Buddhism is like diary, a novel.

Christianity is like rulebook.

Buddhism, to me, somehow seems so open and free and liberated. So balanced.

It seems so real.












Speaking of balance...

Oh, damn?
I forgot what I was going to TALK about, on the topic of balance. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Meh...
Plus I have to go to sleep now. My father has uprooted my computer and relocated it because we will be moving house soon, and so I'm literally sharing a room with mother now.

Fuck. That's BAD, in case you were wondering.

Although...

as whackjob as this sounds...

It may also be interesting, in an experimental way.

Now as devout I am a follower or the motto Love/Hate, I've never rly experienced anything like that (unfortunately), except for my mother. And even then I'm not sure I love her because she just gets on my nerves so many times. But I think I do.


Not sure.

I certainly do hate her at times, though.





So.

there you go.



If this is what it's like for only a parental relationship, I'm hyperventilating and vomiting adrenaline when I think of what it could be like in a partner relationship.


But speaking of which, WILL I have a partner relationship? I know this sounds odd, but...I'm seriously wondering whether I'll end up with anyone, really. Here's a poll for you, and although I'm only counting on very few votes [and I'll only take a fraction of them seriously],:

Do you think Christie will stay single, ultimately?







please, voice your opinions. I'm curious; looking for honest reasons, and also I need a good laugh so even if you are aware that I think you're beyond pathetic, go ahead. :)





In fact, after saying that poll, I've suddenly remembered what I want to talk about on balance.

But I am almost finished with this night and the moon in shining which means: I have to go to bed now.


Tomorrow, then. [tomorrow when the tables and bookshelves and piano are moved to my new home. yup.]



































it's a grey sky morning.
I wish I had someone else's shirt to fist, but as it is, I will have to settle for entwining my shaking hands into my own polo top.

Now you've migrated to faraway lands. Now I'm here to stay in this lovenest, solo.
Love can be so boring...

Nothing's quite the same now, I just say your name and snow mist trails out of my mouth instead, flavorless.

But it's not so bad.


You're only the best I ever had


You don't want me back


You're just the best I ever had.


▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
(↑ that's a sneak peak into Zar's mind...Lenzarious' inner workings. That, is what he would think like.
Somewhat like me, his blog would be, just more subtle and far more poetically beautiful.

Trust me, that is based off my experience too.
I have had my fair share of grey sky mornings, although I have not a love to lose.
But I have had them.
I want more of them.)

"Lσvє is like a businessman - crude tactics, the epitome of unprofessionalism, persistent, selfish, unjust, the biggest prick in history... with the most brilliant clients, best results and biggest goddamn salary you've ever seen."

-myself.
maybe one day this quote will be famous?
fat chance.










_________________________________________



today, on the driveway
The rain was so heavy that the roads had a sheen of water on them. And they reflected it's surroundings, so it looked as if we were driving on water.
It was rather exquisite.






____________________________________________







I had a LOT to talk about for this post, but damn...Forgot it all.
Fiddlesticks.




by the way I don't understand all the hate for Green Day, Fall Out Boy and...to a lesser extent, My Chemical Romance? I don't understand at all. Their music is wonderful, to me at least. It's probably got to do with their personal lives. Rumors leaking out and discrimination, prejudice crawling in like spiders.


Hah. Pathetic.

___________________________________________________________________



there are little words and phrases that I pick up here and there from various places, everywhere,
and they're just so pretty sometimes, they sing to me like pancakes and ravens and doves and truffles and music.

"The prince promised her that he wouldn’t; but he thought of the creature he’d met, the beautiful inhuman being that his princess had called a fairy, who wouldn’t tell him its name for fear of becoming his."

ahhh.

AND This is Your Night, so




_______________________________________





a grand seven panels, indeed


Well, he's gone! Matt. Out the window. Poof, no more Mail Jeevas in this story [except in flashback form and perhaps...ghost? 8D]


but as much as I (not! ha) cringe to say this...
...I'm glad Matt's out of the picture...

all the M&M scenes were starting to get on me, just a little bit.
I mean, I like Mr. Goggles. He's pretty cool, but...flat. The most awesome thing he did in the whole saga was die, for god's sake. A short while after I rly liked M&M, and not M&N at all, so much so that I had trouble picking one combination over the other later. And then for the longest while I liked both pairings [I blame it on Razuri-chan's awesome drawings...xD]


and trust me, I will still always love M&M in a dead way...
I mean, look at Razuri-Chan's said sketches.
Whoever doesn't love them...
my god but they're just such pretty art my GOD?! -foams-

but after a while, I just...grew out of it. Granted, it lasted a lot longer than other (similar) pairings such as...RitsukaxSoubi...WilburxLewis... and... probably a few more that streched far before that.

Oh, it lasted a long while alright.

But I realized: not because the pairings were essentially all that much different and unique...because I irrationally loved the characters.

Now don't get me wrong: I still love Mello, to not a great extent like L or Raito...
but I never loved Matt.




D=



Nope.


I only ever liked him. Liked him more at some points than at others, but no...no fandoming over him, i'm afraid!



[however I admit my like for characters vary on the pairing I imagine them in]


...which means that if I were to take into consideration pairing MattxBB, I'd undoubtably fall in love very much so with dear Matty and come up with an actual personality for him, something he seems to be...lacking.


But MelloxMatt...I'm sorry, no,


there's just not enough chemistry.


...Hell, my darling, there's no chemistry.



[and much less, negative alchemy, I'm sorry to say.]

__________________________________________________

((but I'm still going to be my typical hypocritc fangirl self and link you this:))




:'D


_____________________________________________________________________










ho de hum. School Life's been pretty mundane...except...oh!
YES.
I need to talk about that.

That little, little incident...









Generally during Lunchtime [which is an epic sixty minutes long!!!], I stay in class like a hermit crab and draw, eat, read, read, eat, draw. General routine. Occasionally I will indulge in some classmatey mucking around, or once in a blue moon, engage in religious debate.

To digress, those religious debates may have only happened twice, but god damn are they so enjoyable.

First time was with India and Tom and me, I think, with Laura in the middle of the sofa the poor girl just trying to read while India goes on with her Anglican pride stuff and Tom protesting on my right and me just loling the whole way through. Funny shit. And then I think Paul joined in a some point, but India was still 'nuuu ur religion is full of BULLSHITE and fail! rawr' and I was like '-facepalm-' in a totally amusing way, of course.

( "So why do we live?"

"None of us know that," I replied indignantly. "The reason we live is to find out why we live, humans are naturally born curious like that. Curiosity didn't kill the cat, it killed us. Religion is why we live. And we all have different religions and die for them. If we knew why we live, then we'd have no purpose to live anymore, so why do we live? You don't ask others this question. You're supposed to find the answer yourself."

"She has a point," Paul said. )

Tom is...just so very typically Christian, to me
Even the voice.

The voice, even...
It's like the honey and milk - fed voice, hardened and sweetened by the fables he's been told.
And he might have future as a pastor, because to the unstained ear, he sounds very very sincere and gently urging. It's like...He's got that Christian vibe flowing off him, y'know? (I could grow to love that (kind) of voice...)

Unfortunately my ear is very stained, haha. It's stained by (what I think is) truth and yucky-er stuff like that and I'm far too fixed in my beliefs, or rather lack of them.

heh.

Anyway, to digress even MORE, I must admit: When it comes to boys.
Oh dear lord boys...

[by the way I'm currently listening to George Carlin - Religion and it's hard to concentrate.... xD]

Anyway as I was saying.
I'm telling all you girls [...and a certain few guys...xP] ... the men here are VERY different.
Not just the appearance.

not just the frightening amount of males who like blondes [oh god WHY?! WHY I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY]


not just the demeanor...

... okay just the demeanor.
They kind of make me disoriented D:

They're so different sometimes it hurts. I had ten thousands of crushes stacked upon each other in SG, but not here.

...well... not many, at least.

As I notioned to Thomas above, I rly like him. He's nice. He's... Actually he's rather bland for the most part. But occasionally, I will make the comment here and there [usually to get a rise out of him]. He will often respond in his own way e.g sticking his tongue out at me or punching me on the shoulder.

Which is an incredibly shocking response, you know.

First time he did something like that, I was like 'wth?!'. I couldn't and didn't want to mask the surprise in my eyes, but I just grinned at him like he was a lunatic which was odd because I probably looked like a lunatic. Which was odd because he didn't look like a lunatic, he looked insane, he was smiling so widely, and oh my god his smile.


Boys aren't supposed to be like this. Boys aren't supposed to be like this.

...The boys I know aren't supposed to be like this.

...They're not supposed to be underlyingly sweet and decent and independent and far away enough for you to want to chase them like kites and near enough for you to see the eye candy you're chasing.







Oh whatever. I'm blowing this up way out of proportion I think. I like him, but I'm not going to get myself into anything serious. And there might be simple attraction at work here, but no chemistry, no alchemy, no hate, and in conclusion no compatability as of yet.

Not in this time and age.










Speaking of boys! Josh.

I always did like Josh. :3
He's ... possibly the most unique. He's like the perfect gentleman and for that I despise him: it's not that I'm jealous it's like for fuck's sake, if I was a blonde with an hourglass figure and a sweet voice, maybe I'd get somewhere too but no.
No. Stupid conformity.

But at the same time, he doesn't conform at all. He stands out like a sore thumb, but still somehow can fit in. I can't.

maybe it's something to do with enthicity.

whatever.

point is, he's unconventionally good looking [Mega plus points+!!!] and he's sweet to a certain degrese [not so sickeningly much that he induces cavities], with a good sense of humor and he's a pretty damn fine to a point. (AND HE'S A REDHEAD♥)

but I don't like him /in that way/.

He's that kind of guy, you know? The rly good catch...Let me put it this way.

You're out fishing for tuna. And unexpectedly, you catch a salmon. A real damn FINE salmon. best one you've ever seen.

but you're looking for tuna, and there's nothing you can do with a salmon...! You adore salmon and the way they're cooked, and you appreciate the culinary genius one can cook up (hehe pun) with this particular type of fish, but... no.

Salmon doesn't float your boat, and you regard this fact sadly. You would love to be able to have salmon, but it doesn't agree with your stomach.

So what do you do? The fish is nearly dying in your grasp, and there's a fishing boat over belonging to your neighbour who's out here fishing for...


...salmon.

The pink fish wriggles out of your grasp and swims away as fast as it can [probably thinking 'GET AWAY FROM THAT BITCH QUICK ARRRRRRRRGHHHH'] and unknowingly swims into the hands of your neighbour's hook.


Your neighbour regards his prize with pride, not knowing that it was you who gave him his trophy.


Who let him win because he was the one who'd actually benefit from that victory.













which is why, when Anna came in squealing like a...girl...one lunchtime, dizzingly prancing her way through the door, I didn't complain.

...Well, not much.

'Could you kindly stop hyperventilating in my personal bubble?' I snapped.
She glanced at me briefly, and then continued hyperventilating my personal blah blah blah...

So following some curious eavesdropping, apparently Anna made her way onto Josh's 'Top Five List.' And 'Top Five List' is as specific as it gets, but anyone with half a libido can obviously infer that Josh's got [some degree of] the hots for Anna.

... yeah.

'He has a list,' I snarked. 'Typical Process Man'

Hoots of laughter followed.


As you can see, I am generally vindictive and not very nice to boys I have a crush on. This is a very bad spin off of the 'playing hard to get' tactic and also a form of denial. also a bad, bad habit.




actually, I'm both surprised and not very. I've seen Josh and Anna conversing very friendly at times.


...And, when I look back on the only one time I've actually ever had a proper fun conversation with him, I was actually quite; -

No. Wait.


Insecurity is a turn-off, Christie. Don't kick your self-esteem and libido when it's down. Bad girl.
















later, when I'd actually come up with the idea of offering to stay back and clean, dear god what has gotten into me, I lay on the round inflatable green ball, put my hands behind my head, stared at the ceiling and Mused.


'You know...
As much as I like Josh, I can't compliment his taste in women.'

Hana laughed.

s m i l e

because tonight you'll go down in style






















((Qυieт buт i'm suяe
Tнєяє is sσmetнiηg hєяє.
...




so tell me everything
'cause I want to нєar.))

It made me think (,foronce)…

...Okay, the memento mori reference was enough, but now...Poison Apple has to quote Bound Prince too?!

“But you pushed me away!” Light said incredulously. “And now you want me to… what? Jerk you off?”

“No.” L‘s smile had darkened considerably. “I don’t want you to touch me.”

“Then…” Light’s chocolate eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Yes.” L tilted his head again. “Oh.”

... oh god win.

"Their war was still not enough to break the chain between them (this metaphorical chain far stronger than the real one that had once kept them together)."










"Busted and broken and torn-out hearts made such a mess, after all."

(lines born merely of dreams)


♣ « ֳ____________________

pssst. i has a question.

is it normal for a fanfic to incidentally, accidentally (or not?) quote another in the course of it's story being told?


... 8D no, i didn't think so either. oh, fate is being lovely to me.

“Memento mori,” Light found himself whispering.

L’s eyes opened just a little, glinting like dark jewels in the lamp-light; or like mirrors…

“Remember… you are… mortal,” he hissed in translation, his breath ragged.

“We are.” Light’s fingers trailed down lower; the whispered kiss of them over L’s flat belly making him arch right up off the bed, and making Light drunk on the power of seduction. “Mortal, and… victim to mortal pleasures…”

...what is an aphrodisiac, anyway? damn, fanfics make my vocab grow. xD

1 : an agent (as a food or drug) that arouses or is held to arouse sexual desire

...oh. mai.
thank you, Merriam - Webster. xDDD




Anyway, I finished Act 1 of PA [wow that makes it sound like a Romeo & Juliet play, which actually isn't surprising giving the nature of the story haha] and in any case, I'm liking it a lot. It actually didn't turn out to be so... Disney-ish, I suppose? The prospect of this DN fic having a twist of classic ... well, classics being strewn into it drew me in. I mean, look. Disney and Death Note. It's like this fic was made for me (Which makes me sound terribly self-centered, but boo hoo if you don't like it).

however.

what ended up was NOT all pretty princesses glazed in pink petals and sweet jasmine perfume, what ended up was a hell lot of psychological sex and mind rape.

mmm. now that...is what we call a very pleasant surprise.

PA still retains a sense of dreamlike quality to it, though. Although I kind of turned my head in disdain at the overuse of 'magic' and adjectives that can be tied to the word in a few chapters, all in all...Very very good.

Not to mention, the love confession...was the epitome of sweet endings.

Except it hasn't ended yet.
Joy. ♥

(“Fine,” L sighed,

placing his own other hand on top of Light’s. “I feel… alive…”)

(sitting in this room playing яuѕѕiαη яσuℓєttє•ღ

finger on the trigger to my dear juliet

out from the window see your back drop shilouette

this blood on my hands is something cannot forget...)










-ƒiη-

...Tнe beginnings of an attraction, oиe that blє∂ from deep within – a slow, sweet poison that threatened to taint their standings as investigator and suspect, as rivals, even simply as fяιєи∂s.

Oh mai 8D


I don't know why, but that sentence allured to me...as well as a few other sentences, but this one...Wow love. I absolutely adore the wordplay with bled.

Bled. Pretty word. If anything, that's just such a epic word to describe it, oh my gawdd haha.


...anyway, my automatic endorphins have NOT been alert recently and they're being very bad boys for the time being: not showing up and all. In a shitty week when I needed them, they just weren't around. So I had to jump-start my own happiness again. Yeah, this time I made myself get over stupid depression, all by myself. I mean, it's just one bad week. Not going to kill me. Jesus.



OH damn where was I? Oh yes. Poison Apple.
That's right kids, immediately after CoD I'm starting PA...it's like long chaptered fandom fics are growing on me, like a drug...addiction...whee.


Anyway, I have a lot of criticism for PA.

It went too fast, and far too OOC for my tastes. L picks apart whatever Light says and analyzes it, yes, but a with far more subtlety, and if he finds a piece of dialogue that he thinks can't possibly mean anything, then he's not going to voice his analysis, if any.


And L is far too tchy. I mean, going all nuts...It's as if I've just read the first chapter without a prologue, and it's common sense that the first chapter in a fic IS the prologue...right? Or that's what I was expecting. I did NOT expect L to get all horny and jump Light like nuts. The morning wood bit was hilarious and definitely precious, but all was downhill after that.

However, picking up the third chapter, where I got that quote above, I might change my mind. It's looking good.


Looking great, actually. Plus...It's Death Note + Disney. I can't possibly resist. ♥

• • •

Hopeless, it seemed. Too unresponsive, too uninterested, too prohibiting of himself. No, there was no way.

He would never be anyone’s.

He would stay within his glass coffin, observing the things that went on beyond it through the crystal clear walls; but he believed his confinement to be his freedom, since those things outside could never touch or taint him.

And it seemed as though, unlike those true princesses, enchanted by the spells of those most wicked, even a kiss – true love’s first kiss – had not freed him; awakened him from his poisoned slumber.

The difference was, L didn’t want to be awakened.

• • •

( a hotel trip in 2007 or 8
I was reading the Pink Panther novel
lord knows what those two were laughing about, but at least they didn't run from the camera like it was a ten-foot-tall grizzly lol)







(by the way, is there REALLY a scene in Armageddon where the guy shoves an Animal Cracker down the lady's knickers in the sex scene? If so...that's just crazy silly adorable and kinky at the same time xDD )











the beauty and of the beast

since I am bored, I suppose now is a good time to drabble, no? I wonder...should I put up my first drabble now?

...Hey, why the fuck not.
-scrabbles off to do that-



done! enjoy, everyone. bon appetit.
...tee hee...tit.
-is shot for lame joke-





(i swear that bunny is evil
LOOK AT IT!
It's giving me the RED EYES
EVIL BUNNY

these are all old photos btw, taken some years ago)





anyway...
life is good.
I don't know (but I do, but I'm not telling you what I know you bad fellow you have to find out yourself), but I felt the need to emphasize the point.
:]

















( there aren't many things in life that can make me tear up with mere mention...and for it to be a single line song/(dialouge?) lyric, it's absolutely absurd.

then again, I always adore and usher in absurd with arms wide open. )

ladies and gentlemen...

...I have just read Chapter 32.


sigh. another period of waiting for update.
Oh my god now I know what my readers feel like D: I update Operation Opal on like, YEARLY basis. I feel so fricking guilty, blah.

ah, good times.
good times.(leftoright: William, my nine year old uncle, Aunt Diana, William's mum and consequently my grand-aunt, and moi.)




______________
"no, It's post-apocalyptic doom metal with christian metalcore influances and country folk vocals induced with a mix of alternative psychedelic grindcore. No seriously it's screamo / rap / crunk."

Bahaha
Oh gawd, if I found a band that fit that description...epic. epic. -shakes head and smiles- Country folk ftw! haha

drabble. list (oh my god I'm on SUCH a roll, this is just snowballing):

Rain [x]

Dictionary [ done... ish ]

everything else -[haven't started]

And I've just had a new idea: ... but I'm not quite sure what the title will be. I thought about necrophiliac, but that's too ... nope. Thought about something to do with visiting the dead, but I can't seem to pin down the right sequence of words. Either way, I know what my idea will be.

Have you ever known someone who just never really let go of that last thread?


And I don't mean thread of memory.



Memory is something absolutely respectable and appropriate to hang on to when a loved one is lost. You either hold on to everything, or let go of everything, or hold on to memories. Third option is the only one that keeps you from falling apart, as far as I'm concerned.

...But while it make keep you from falling apart, it may give the illusion that you're whole again. Which might make you go a bit...loony. Which isn't a bad thing, but isn't entirely good either.


Imagine yourself being a vase, and then that vase (you) just broke into a million billion smithereens. And while you can never glue yourself back together again, you stand strong in tiny pieces and refuse to disintegrate into nothingness. That's holding on to memories. Taking it too far will result in you, Mr/Ms Vase, into thinking you're whole again...when really, all you've done is just take cellotape and stick yourself together. Messily. In all the wrong places.


...Not that it gives us fanfiction writers any less material to work on. ;)


So, in short, I'm going to write about something, and if you know someone or you are that person yourself - the person who visits gravestones, sits cross legged in front of the stone and prepares to converse for hours with someone who won't reply back, this is for you. ;D












(do I look like Ronnie?)






(it's a hamster called cookie. in a cup. what's there not to love?)





Anyway there was a duet performance today, violin and piano, Gi and some other boy I couldn't recognize. I knew Daniel Powter's Bad Day the moment the notes were hit. It sounded so surreal, refreshingly different and beautiful in the violin. It was friggin awesome. :D


So, the three great loves of my life

The Korean Language + The Violin + Yaoi = bliss.








( nostalgia, nostalgia
by the way I was SO cute as a kid haha )





(final goodbyes at the airport, sept 2008 or therabout
It still amazes me how well I get along with my cousins when we do meet. I miss them. I need someone who wouldn't mind all that much if I ask for a girl's night out? But I barely know them. I don't think I left much impact in their lives)
(left to right: Grace & Gayle [the two twins, who I spent the most sleepovers with and I absolutely adore them they're like my little sisters who are four months older than me and prodigies in EVERYTHING gosh they're so sweet.] Aunt Joyce, the twins' mother. Esther, who's face is obscured by my mother's mother. And then Ruth, Esther's younger sister. My grandfather. Rachel, sister of Esther and Ruth, daughter of Uncle Harold who is behind her. Her mother, Aunt Daphne has a hand on her shoulder, anddd...my mother, me, and my father. Yup.)
-----




ooh ooh okay after some brainstorming I think I've come up with a basic-ish idea of what I'm going to do for the Science project. With some help from Sam of course :D He gave me the soft-drink idea, which in turn caught my eye at the link, which in turn lead to this

Test the acid levels in different soft drinks, thereby discerning which is overall better for you... or more appropriately, your stomach.

Ingenious? No? I thought it wasn't. XD But it's the best I've got and I think it's good. Perhaps I can throw in something about the Mentos+Coke=Geyser thing too. Opinions? I can't keep running away from this forever. Also I think the mentos thing is a physical reaction, rather than chemical
Isn't mentos coated in a layer of something anyway? No chemical thing can get to it, methinks











(in 2005, which seems absurd because I remember that day clear as a knife, we found a near-dead bird. Actually, no, Sri found a near dead bird by one of the trees at our estate, so we nursed it back to health. Even though said bird was a mega prick and kept biting me. I told a lot of lies about that incident later, melodramatic things that insisted animals remembered the hands that fed them and etc blah blah. haha. we never gave that bird a name, I recall )



(yay I look like a good girl getting all fit on my grandma's excercise machine yay
taken on my last days in SG)

PS/, Adam Lambert has just climbed onto the ranks of epic winner in my book.

Title: Unsaid

Summary: In the chronicles of Death Note, everything is cold and hard and clinical, driven by the determination for justice. So it either takes a sharp eye or wishful hoping to single out the hidden moments of unadultered, forbidden emotion. Drabblefic. LRaito yaoi.


__________________________________________________________________


pffft yeah!
Got a title and summary. It's actually so simple it's ingenious, to quote Edison. I'm proud of myself.


Which is ironic because my self-esteem has been soundly beaten the crap out of. I didn't manage to finish my NSW Science paper today. My god, I feel like taking a crap book and repeatedly hitting my equally crap head over with it. R e p e a t e d l y.

And for some reason, my automatic emergency supply of endorphins aren't kicking in...the supply of happy chemicals is either lacking, or late, or I'm experiencing Technical Difficulties, or the stars just aren't in my favor.

Either way, see how all the aforementioned options put no blame on me whatsoever?


...omfg. I'm listening to Billy Joel's The River of Dreams, and suddenly he's humming Can You Feel the Love Tonight...




lolwhut?


ANYWAY where was I. Oh yes. Having a crap week. Boo hooooz. And I'm reading CoD SO fricking fast, I'm nearing the last five chapters. Damnit, this can't be going on so fast. I need my fix daily damnit damnit.















you know, there's an unspoken tradition with men all over the world. whenever their team loses the footy match, whenever they get ditched, whenever they get sacked, whenever the manure hits the fan, their fan, their fan and air conditioner, they go to the bar and get good and drunk.















you know, there's an unspoken traidition with yaoi fans all over the world. whenever their pairing is proved non-canon, whenever their fiction fix isn't finished, or takes a plot turn for the worse, when parents walk in on their hardcore drug, whenever their pairing go through something particularly angsty, they hit the 'sites and get good and high.

(&ohbut of course midarling, you were in Paris.

Nobody ever walks away from France not achingly lovesick. ♥ )

Hello, nervous breakdown, please greet my fellow readers.

Chris' NB: Hai.

Yeah. So would you like to tell us why you're here?

NB: B/c ... B/c i canz.

unfortunately, yes you can. so tell us how you came to be here.

NB: B/c u've royally screwd up ur lyfe? lyk usual.


You know what? As much as I hate you, Nervous Breakdown, you're effing right.


The factors of which I have successfully royally screwd up mah lyfe:

Lost my lead. AND my eraser(s!!)

and the predominant factor:
FUCKING SCIENCE.

Oh god why did I sign up for the Science Extension Competition? I can't think of anything
god someone help me
please
dead serious
i'm begging here

& LET EVERYONE know; YOU MOVE TO THIS
ρнєησмєηση ♥




---------

WELL WELL WELL.
Looks like SOMETHING is taking on the air of Memento Mori, isn't it?
God, sometimes I wonder why I even blog about this. I make ten thousand and one references a day to authors, stories, songs, personal experiences, quotes, nobody even gets it. I bet you, yes you there, you read through what I write and haven't got a clue or just think 'she's rambled on about this enough already! crazy obsessed fangirl,' or go 'huh?'

well, I suppose that's to be expected, since the way I behave here is as if I talk to myself. Or a fellow fangirl who shares all the same obsessions, wow.


Anyway, myself, apparently there's been a new plot twist in CoD!

If I had been paying real close attention and making predictions and most of all making connections, (*retarded grin*), I might've seen this coming. But noooooooo so I was quite blindsided by this, if I do say so myself.

L was going to forever regret this, but –

can you guess what comes next? [and skip this if you don't want to spoil the story]

“There is one way you can save yourself, but there is no room for negotiations. Do you understand me?”

still? go on, guess.
place a bet.

Raito looked at L, perplexed beyond a doubt.

WELLLL?

“I could put you to use,” L said, the words flowing out of him with frightening ease. “Intelligence never excuses bad behavior, but this is the not the first time I’ve hired those with a background.”

Raito stared at him, dumbfounded.

---

MEMENTO MORI INDEEDY. 8D NO?

I thought, briefly, that it was OOC:
I mean it actually depends, though.
It's never clear-cut in the manga nor anime whether L is truly a saint or is he only driven by interest? Does he have a sense of justice and if so, how much does that fuel him? Or does he just go cherry-picking challenges, and...?

In Memento Mori I kind of get the air that L hasn't got that much a sense of justice at all. And that's fine. I like both sides of him, the side which is fuelled by his sense of righteousness and the side that just wants to enjoy himself. However in CoD it's blatantly obvious that he's going by his justice sensor here.





oh, fuck, who am I to complain about OOCness when nobody has even seen L like this in canon, and I myself have never experienced desperation that blossomed from love?

I suppose, if you were to put the guy in such a situation, you'd immediately be shielded from claims of 'hey that's so out of character,' because what would they know?

Yeah.
I'm so happy right now. :'D













...And at the same time I'm royally pissed grrrr

I lost my pencil lead (WHICH COSTED A FUCKING SEVEN DOLLARS BECAUSE NZ HAS FUCKTARDED PRICES DAMNIT), and I know it's around here somewhere, possibly in school but gawwwwwwwd I'm so not in the mood for this damn damn damn


Also because I've got a fucky art block. It's not that I can't draw anything, but I haven't drawn anything in such a long time which gives me that fuzzy feeling. Nothing I've been proud of. Nothing I love. And as a result I just stare at my drawing, no matter how good others claim it is, scrunch it up in a ball and throw it away because I suck like that.


*sigh* damn...


Oh by the way I'm listening to my Billy Joel CD. I love that guy now. Pure gold. Did you know he voiced Dodger in Oliver & Company? :3





















psssst everyone go 'awww'. -holds up Audience Cue card-

“...I am too tired to care anymore. I simply want to go home and take him with me.”

:'D






You know, you're probably sick of all this by now. Yes you are. You're wondering, looking at me in disgust, going, 'what the fuck,' man. And I'm laughing in your face and going, nobody asks you to read this!

There was a long, painful period in my life where I wished for a friend, really close, closer than any friend I have now, and while I love them, I still wish for more...

but I look around and find that my best friend would have to be exactly like me, and I go, oh, what the hell. More insanity for moi. ♥

[If love's a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen (I will listen)]