;BOOM BOOM POW-

mmkay I'm back, and technically I've become sicker (I'm coughing up mucus now), but I feel a substantial amount better, ironically.

And to thank for this better sense of well-being, I have to thank Matchbox 20 for their song 'How Far We've Come', and *Redustrial's epic cosplay photos, and my array of music tunes, and my Sony Vegas and WMM for providing me some escape into happehness :)


I've just moved into a new house, by the way. at Kaiwharawhara, [pronounced: kai - fara - fara ].
So we're within the School Zone of Wellington Girls', the college I'm going to next year.


Yesterday, when we first moved in, the things were all over the place and we had to move lots of stuff. And yeah. We were moving the piano, with my mother nagging incessantly because 'Nooo no no! You're blocking the power cord AIYAH Not so far in! More to the left, to the left...'

My father was behind me, pushing the piano on it's merry way, and we were both rather annoyed and he muttered in my ear, 'zi bai...'

I turned to him, wide eyed, and then I used my shirt to cover my mouth and coughed like fuck, trying not to laugh, trying SO HARD not to laugh, and he grinned at me oh god LOL.

For that entire morning, me and my father had spent the whole morning in the new house, and oh god I forgot how much I loved his company. Alone, we get on damn well I swear, companionable, and I fail to see how he enjoys having me around actually. He's starting all the conversations, me just nodding along and laughing because he's funny. I'm probably like a damn sucky conversation partner to him, but I enjoy his company so, so much.

I used to think, in quiet moments, that my father was the kind of man I want to marry.




It was really strangely blissful, those few hours. When he got the stereo working, I walked/skipped up the stairs, agreeing wholeheartedly with the cherry beat of the oldies song.


'I guess the Lord must be in New York City...'











♥











But I would also like to vraent about another theory today, something that has just started nagging at me cos' I be curioussss:

how much does the 'Opposites Attract' theory really fare up?

"Well, if they're truly in love; they would both overlook each others' differences."

I respect that logic, for I used to uphold it once, but...it doesn't make sense that Opposites Attract, in that case. If you're overlooking something, then you can't be attracted it by it.

"it doesn't matter."

But if you're attracted to something; yes it does matter,

"Nobody wants to be bored, and if they can find everything they're not in a person, then wouldn't it make sense...?"

No, it would most certainly not make sense.

But it could work.


But that is to say, falling in love with the demon that's supposed to test your faith and break it (and that's simply the best way I can put it), doesn't quite seem politically correct, does it?

It doesn't make sense, but I believe it works. yeah, i'm rambling...


It would and could make sense, however, to pair up with someone who believes the same thing you do. It would undoubtedly give you a sense of connection and belonging.

But connection and belonging is not the same as burning passion and magnetic need, and you can only have one without the other, and the question is which one is the stuff that love's made out of, or how they would fare in the long run, and which is the type for you, which is the type for me...?



ugh god.
i'm rather confused right now.


Now, what sparked all this varenting is that I found a LxLight anti stamp, and I clicked on it, because I actually pretty happy right then, and I felt like some masochistic pleasure...

...until I forgot that I wasn't a masochist.

See, a year or two ago, anything that went against my ... beliefs, for the lack of the better word, would just haunt my mind or something. Imagine the devil crawling into your ear and whispering sweet nothings that make you go mad, because humans are weak. And proof of our weakness is how easily we fall in and out of religion.

So after reading some not very nice comments and blah, I wasn't feeling so good, but eventually it all wore away.

Hurtful comments do hurt me, because I'm human, but they wear off really quickly afterwards.

Thing is...I have companions who are, to me, the antithesis of common sense, they stand for everything that annoy me, and all they believe in and all they do not believe in disagree with me. They're like...the opposite me.


And what makes me the most incredulous is that I actually love their guts.






I'm starting to think that love's not worth the trouble.
When I'm sick and down like a dog, like this, I can't imagine anyone loving this...thing. I admit, I think I'm awesome, and I love my own guts, but I love me for who I am.

And who I am is like a jewel to myself, to the outside world, even if they were to truly know who I was...

...if anyone out there knew my deepest darkest secrets, knew every inch of my self,

I can't possibly fathom a being that would want to love all that, opposite or reflection or not.


Yes.
I'm arrogant enough to believe that I'm the only one capable of loving myself, and believe it or not at one point in my life I imagined selfcest as the only pairing that could work with me.



but please...prove me wrong.
all the other times I've stood corrected was always for my own good, anyway...














Everybody gets high

Everybody gets low

Everybody gets bruised

Everybody gets sold

Everybody gets dark

Everybody unfolds











(OH GOD BY THE WAY I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
When I breathe out, as in, exhale greatly or yawn, I see white smoke come out of my mouth. Seriously. White. And smoke, not some half-assed mist. S M O K E. oh god lawl wtf.)