There was snow.


[white snow...]

priests clutched onto вibles

Hollowed out to fit their rifles

Became God

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Hello my kittens!
Yes, yes I just used the endearment kittens on you. What? Don't look so offended! Kittens is a compliment.


But I digress. I probably lost the drive to talk about what I was supposed to talk about during my shower. Oh well.



Beliefs and balance. Beliefs can be loosely translated also into the word Devotion, which would give you Devotion and Balance: the two virtues Elizabeth went a-hunting for in Eat, Pray, Love. The first virtue being Pleasure...I've probably got too much of, and let's stray away from Pleasure also because that word instigates many fetishy memories in me, eh? xD And it doesn't help that I'm listening to Bounce - The Cab right now.

So anyway. Devotion and Balance.

It's about time I had a post a bit more...substantial.

This is a vent, or maybe a rant. It's borderline both, so let us call it a vrαєnt.

ok! So let's start vrαєnting.




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Beliefs, I prefer that word over a religion a lot. Religion is a wonderful word in itself for metaphors, dramatic alliterations and comparisons and personifications and kamifications. Religion is perfect for all matter of descriptions and arrows and shields.

Which is why I prefer beliefs.

Religion inquires with fake, cool politeness, 'Which God(s) do you believe in?'
Belief looks at you curiously, and squawks, 'Who do you follow, if at all?'

To Religion I promptly bitchslap, to Belief I answer with a smile, 'That's what I wanna know.'

Because belief is derived from the word believe.

And believing in something, anything, someone, anyone, is beautiful, not matter how misguided, because it's misguided, beautiful.









Speaking of beliefs, I've half a mind to join Buddhism. And that's basically what I wanna talk about.

Now I know it sounds absolutely disdainful to want to join a belief that I know so little about. I don't know the fundamentals, I don't know what Buddha himself means to the followers. I don't know his backstory, and nearly nothing of his teachings.

But I always liked it, somewhere in my mind.


I liked it's so accepting vibe that it gave out. How it wasn't like Tyrantnosaur Christianity.

No bullshit like 'I'm going to place you two in a heavenly garden, where you shall come up with the phrase 'Heaven on Earth.' And I just hope that you won't go and fuck up & eat that apple and - OH NO U DIDNT'


No crap like, 'FUCK YOU ALL! You're all nasty except for Noah. So you'll all drown except him and the animals and...Oh, you know what, that was a bad, reckless decision. I'll never do that again."


I don't know how I even fell into that religion, that regime now. What kind of retard would chuck two people into paradise, ignorant, clueless, naive and unknowing, and expect it to stay that way. To want it stay that way. God, you make it sound like we stole free will from You in the form of a (poisoned...) apple, instead of You rightfully bestowing it upon us. The fuck?

And I hereby rightfully apologize, Christian dudes, because I'm way out of line here. But honestly, I'm rather peeved off right now. Christianity has crossed the border with me and become annoying to thou, so deal with it bitches.

Also, Christianity chucks crap at you like, 'Here are ten rules. Doesn't matter that ever since you ate that fruit, these laws will mean nothing to the desperate, doesn't matter that every time a mother uses these against their son it's merely a guilt trip. Doesn't matter that even doing this makes no sense, because everyone already knows this.

I just think that because I am an all-powerful being, if I repeat this over and over and over again, it'll have some impact so BOOYAH!'

fail.


I could go on, but that is past the point. I'm sure Buddha would not approve of this ranting, lol. Truth is, I'm not angry in the least, but gawd the path of Jesus makes no sense sometimes. It's as if, somehow, as intelligent(?) as we are, we've managed to pull a blindfold over ourselves and embark on the winding, crazy path of batshit lies.

ugh. -.0


but back to the point, Buddhism seems so much more different. It's like...

Buddhism is like following the light.

Christianity is like moths fluttering to a fluorescent bulb and consequently getting fried in the process.

Buddhism is like diary, a novel.

Christianity is like rulebook.

Buddhism, to me, somehow seems so open and free and liberated. So balanced.

It seems so real.












Speaking of balance...

Oh, damn?
I forgot what I was going to TALK about, on the topic of balance. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Meh...
Plus I have to go to sleep now. My father has uprooted my computer and relocated it because we will be moving house soon, and so I'm literally sharing a room with mother now.

Fuck. That's BAD, in case you were wondering.

Although...

as whackjob as this sounds...

It may also be interesting, in an experimental way.

Now as devout I am a follower or the motto Love/Hate, I've never rly experienced anything like that (unfortunately), except for my mother. And even then I'm not sure I love her because she just gets on my nerves so many times. But I think I do.


Not sure.

I certainly do hate her at times, though.





So.

there you go.



If this is what it's like for only a parental relationship, I'm hyperventilating and vomiting adrenaline when I think of what it could be like in a partner relationship.


But speaking of which, WILL I have a partner relationship? I know this sounds odd, but...I'm seriously wondering whether I'll end up with anyone, really. Here's a poll for you, and although I'm only counting on very few votes [and I'll only take a fraction of them seriously],:

Do you think Christie will stay single, ultimately?







please, voice your opinions. I'm curious; looking for honest reasons, and also I need a good laugh so even if you are aware that I think you're beyond pathetic, go ahead. :)





In fact, after saying that poll, I've suddenly remembered what I want to talk about on balance.

But I am almost finished with this night and the moon in shining which means: I have to go to bed now.


Tomorrow, then. [tomorrow when the tables and bookshelves and piano are moved to my new home. yup.]



































it's a grey sky morning.
I wish I had someone else's shirt to fist, but as it is, I will have to settle for entwining my shaking hands into my own polo top.

Now you've migrated to faraway lands. Now I'm here to stay in this lovenest, solo.
Love can be so boring...

Nothing's quite the same now, I just say your name and snow mist trails out of my mouth instead, flavorless.

But it's not so bad.


You're only the best I ever had


You don't want me back


You're just the best I ever had.


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(↑ that's a sneak peak into Zar's mind...Lenzarious' inner workings. That, is what he would think like.
Somewhat like me, his blog would be, just more subtle and far more poetically beautiful.

Trust me, that is based off my experience too.
I have had my fair share of grey sky mornings, although I have not a love to lose.
But I have had them.
I want more of them.)