(The taste of her cherry chapstick)

... omg... .____.

I think I'm going to have to change my orientation to Bi now.

I can no longer say I'm perfectly straight.

;__e

No, this has nothing to do with Lady Gaga whatsoever.
No, folks, for the first time in six months, for the first time since I became a Kiwi officially but not at heart, I have got a serious, serious, SRS BNZ CRUSH.

...And my crush is someone I left behind.


-facepalm- oh god I'm such a sad case kthnxplz.





Although, truth be told...it's been a fucking year.
Contrary to what the movie The Fox and the Hound might say, memories...don't often last a year.


All I can remember was that she damn nearly cried when I told her I was going to be leaving.

All I can remember was how much I wanted to kick myself because I didn't hug her, or hug anyone for that matter, ever.

...All I can remember is that for the first time in a long time, I got that tingly feeling in my toes.


...fuck.




And this is absolutely insane, no, fucked up, because this goes against everything I ever expected and...Well, yeah, love is unexpected but maybe fate is having a field day, making me write my Ten Wants just before this comes up... & Why is it eight months later I suddenly think of her? Because she's brought up for, what, a MINUTE in random conversation?



-shrugs-



No point.

I can barely remember her face, mistake it for Kellyn's now, although I still remember her demeanor. And while I can't recall exactly what she did or what we used to do, I remember how much adrenaline we'd have in our system. Those antics...were exhilarating, but I either never thought of or was never given the chance to fall in love with her.

She just..never gave me the chance.

She was like a whirlwind.

Sometimes I almost wanted her to stop so I could actually see what was going on. But we were having too much fun.



A part of me is going, well about time, I thought I'd lost my interest in romance already.

And another part of me is going, throw it eight more months, dear, it'll pass.


But that's not accurate, that's not accurate at all.

I can never get over someone if I've never been under them. And I don't mean that in the literal sense, get your brain out of the gutter.

I mean, I haven't seen her in eight months. If I could just meet her again, if I could just get an imprint of how we were friends together, then...


Then maybe.

Maybe, if that happened, I'd get under her, although whether I'd get over her again remains to be seen.

Then maybe.

I want to feel and touch, but I don't want to be grasping at foggy memories later.

If I want it, I want it permanently, or not at all.










...but oh god, I want something, and if it cannot be love, then at least friendship again.