the human mind really is a terribly odd thing, isn't it?


I get depressed, too.
Like just a few days ago. I was sitting and staring at the buildings and my thoughts went somewhere along the lines of

'what am I doing here?'

And 'here' wasn't referring to Singapore. 'here' was referring to this damn godforsaken (god-given) planet.


I was thoroughly bored with ... everything. Boredom, it seems, is joint-juncture to melancholy in my mind.

'what matters anymore? no...who matters?

who matters these days, anyway?

things die.'


However, the irony is in those times when I feel melancholy, but not the kind of melancholy that is inflicted from boredom.


I was reading Ghost Factory just now. And, mind you, while Poison Apple literally blew my mind and sent it spinning across the floor, I've avoided rereading it.
Yes, this is something new. Because yes, I do reread fanfictions. Multiple times.

But generally, I avoid melancholy where I can. Unless it's a oneshot, because the effects of oneshots are mostly short-lasting. But chapter after chapter of very real agony? ... too painful.


The first kind of melancholy I mentioned is completely unproductive, and yet at the same time unavoidable. It's just something that ... happens. That kind of sadness is something that just is. Like rocks. They just...are.

The second kind, however, is...Depressingly uplifting. That makes no sense, but at the same time it's the most apt way I can describe it. It's kind of melancholy you get when you hear about someone fulfilling his death wish and dying happily. It's kind the kind of melancholy where you are the person fulfilling your death wish, and you die happily.

It's also the kind of melancholy that is served in generous portions for breakfast lunch and dinner in Poison Apple.

Ghost Factory made me so unbelievably emotional. I couldn't bear to read Silence after that, it was just too much.

And it hits home, too.

The thing is, what matters, does. And at the same time, it doesn't.

Whoever matters, doesn't. And whoever matters does.

If it can make you happy feel (alive.), it matters. And at the same time, anything that can make you feel will die, one day. So in the grand scheme of things, nothing, and nobody, matters.

But step away from the big picture, and in the fine print, it matters.

It matters to you and it matters to nobody else.

Sometimes, beauty is the only currency that is real.

And while that can, understandably, depress others, that fact uplifts me.

Nothing matters to the world, which equals = freedom.

Don't be afraid to love, because in the end that love will die, too. You can love with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, you can love unfathomably -

but your love will still die.

you will still die.

memento mori - it is a sad thing, it is a joyous cause for celebration.

Some things matter, and those are the only things you should care for because they'll be gone one day, just like that -click- with the wind, and so will you.

Who cares for immortality? When you're immortal, everything matters, and that's the same thing as saying nothing matters.
(isn't that right, kami?)

don't be afraid to love, because one day change will come on a wind (as it always does) and the unfathomable will be swept fathoms deep into the ocean.

have the time of your life .